


Shared Sentiments

by SamIsNotLegend



Series: Ajin!Hide AU [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul, 亜人 - 三浦追儺 & 桜井画門 | Ajin - Miura Tsuina & Sakurai Gamon
Genre: Ajin!Hide au, BAMF!Hide, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Descriptions of gore, Gen, Hide POV, Hide has a backstory, Hide-centric, Introspection, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Romance is very minor, TW for suicide-like descriptions, Temporary Character Death, Things will get worse before they get better, You've been warned, but also flawed!Hide, but knowledge of Ajin is not necessary, plot important OC, post aogiri-raid arc, uses elements of both Ajin and TG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-05-16 12:46:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamIsNotLegend/pseuds/SamIsNotLegend
Summary: Hide gasped, his heart beating furiously in his ears. He struggled upright, head woozy as blood rushed back into all his organs. With a snap, his chest closed and the kagune slid harmlessly off him, only half the size it had been before. It shattered like glass when it hit the asphalt. Finally, he got his feet underneath him and stood, swaying for a moment. The pain of death and his last thoughts lingered for a second longer before disappearing.XOr, Hide discovers that he's quite bad at dying.





	1. Beyond Caution

There were a lot of books. Hide had always suspected that his best friend harbored some hoarder tendencies, but now he knew for certain. Maybe if he was feeling kind, he’d say that Kaneki had a rather large collection of books. But no, that just wasn’t accurate. Kaneki Ken had a rather outrageous hoard of books.  


Hide had never appreciated just how outrageous it was until now. Seeing as he was being forced to pack them all into cardboard boxes. He stood and stretched, an otherworldly sci-fi novel in hand. The guy on the cover had antennae. Had Kaneki always owned books like this? It was rather left field for him, Hide thought, slipping it into another box. He’d initially tried to sort the books into boxes on genre, but had soon given up on that. Kaneki probably had some sort of organizational system, but whatever it was, it had eluded Hide. So he was sorting them more or less by size. Bigger hardbacks at the bottom, and paperbacks more towards the top. He hoped it would prevent them from being damaged.  


Hide recognized a handful of the books on sight. They displayed ripped covers, had worn edges, and colorful tags poked out from selected pages. He knew if he opened the pages to the tabs, Hide would find the light strokes of Kaneki’s handwriting. He’d seen him write in them often enough.  


Even when his friend had been around, Hide had always wondered what Kaneki was writing in them. Part of him wanted to look now, but he wouldn’t. If Kaneki had never offered to show him before, looking now would just be a breach of privacy.  
He really wanted to though. Maybe when Kaneki came back, Hide would ask. It was a bitter thought, and he didn’t like the taste of it. For months, he’d been holding out. Paying the rent week for week, and stopping by every now and again to check in on Kaneki’s apartment. But now Hide was out of cash, and the landlord was out of patience. Kaneki was, officially, being evicted. Or was this the case of abandonment? He wasn’t sure. Well it didn’t matter, the result was the same.  


Book after book, Hide removed them from shelves, from stacks on the ground, from bundles in the kitchen, and from beside Kaneki’s bed. He wrapped each and every one in newspaper, and put them in a box, until the titles and authors and covers all ran together in a blur.  


When it was all done, Hide couldn’t place the apartment to Kaneki’s presence anymore. In a way that was better; without the books leaning against the plastic plant by the door, Hide no longer felt like Kaneki could walk through it at any given second. It may as well have been a stranger’s house.  
The rest of Kaneki’s belongings took significantly less time. When all was said and done, Kaneki’s books probably totalled to about 3/4ths of everything he owned. 

Hide finished taping up the last box and stood. It was a little past one, which wasn’t bad, considering he’d set aside most of the day, but he’d still been at it since eight that morning.

“Thank god for moving services,” he said aloud, placing his hands on his hips. Without a car, it would have taken him at least a week to transport all of this. 

Moving briefly to the abandoned bathroom, he leaned over the sink and turned the tap on. He’d wash his face, get some of the packing sweat-and-grime off of his body, and then head home, where he’d maybe work on some school stuff. Maybe. 

With the hand-towels packed away with everything else, Hide resorted to wiping his face dry on the bottom of his shirt. It was uncomfortable. His face still felt wet afterwards, and when his stomach brushed the damp patch on his shirt, he shivered. He did feel less gross though overall though, so it was begrudgingly counted as a win. 

Hide eyed himself for a moment in the mirror. His hair was growing out, and it was badly in need of another dye job. He brushed through his bangs, the bleached hair stiff against his fingers.Craning his neck and rubbing at the tired muscles there, Hide leaned forward slightly to peer at the darkening circles beginning to appear beneath his eyes. 

That was no good. Appearing tired and worn-out would negate all the effort he was putting in to build himself a hard-working and amicable reputation at the CCG. There had to be a way to cover them up. Pulling out his phone, Hide shrugged on his jacket and slipped on his shoes. “How to cover up dark circles…” he muttered, hiding the apartment key on top of the door frame. The moving company would take care of the rest.

It looked like Youtube would have the answer. An appropriately tired-looking woman appeared on screen and Hide was completely convinced by the time he’d made it to the station. Make-up was the way to go. But would people notice and think it was weird? When the video ended, he clicked on another, this one helpfully titled: “Finding the right tone for you!” Perfect. His next shift was after class the next day, so Hide decided he’d have to leave a little early in the morning and do some shopping. 

In the meantime… Hide exited the station and, to his surprise, saw his tentative friend Ikuma sitting on the corner strumming quietly at the strings of his guitar. Turning away, Hide made a beeline for a vending machine located just inside the station. For himself, he bought a canned mocha. For Ikuma, a plain black coffee. Coffee makes the world go round, as they say. 

Striding through the thinning crowd, Hide waited until Ikuma finished the song he was playing to approach him. 

“Hey, Ikuma-kun!” he greeted, crossing his legs to join Ikuma on the concrete. 

“Hide!” the musician looked up to greet Hide with a broad smile. “I haven’t seen you around lately! How have you been?” 

“Ah, you know, same old same old. Oh! But I saw this really great movie the other day! It was about an astronaut who met some aliens! Say, do you believe in aliens, Ikuma-kun?” 

Hide enjoyed catching up with Ikuma, typically. Ikuma was easy-going and a gentle soul. Not to mention his great taste in music. But there was another reason Hide put effort into building a friendship with him. Hide was nearly certain that Ikuma was a ghoul. If asked, Hide couldn’t point to any one thing that made him think that. It was more like a general feeling that surrounded Ikuma - the same one that Hide had felt around Nishiki. He was faking some of their interactions, and the ones that he was faking all ran along similar lines. 

“Man work has been crazy!” Hide began, watching his companion from the corner of his eye. Ikuma’s lips pinched together briefly, and he swallowed. His eyes followed Hide’s movement as Hide leaned back against the concrete wall and folded his arms behind his head. “Seems like Tokyo has been up in arms lately…” 

Ikuma took another sip of his drink and offered no comment. He was aware of Hide’s current job, working as an errand-boy at the 20th ward’s CCG Office, but had continued their friendship regardless. Hide thought him to be rather brave for that. “Oh, but you’re not even from Tokyo!” He pressed on, “so any ghoul activity must seem like a lot to you!” 

Ikuma nodded somewhat stiffly, although he began to relax against the concrete. “All of it is sort of crazy” he agreed. 

“So there were no ghouls out where you lived? None at all?” 

“None that I knew of.” Ikuma shrugged, completely relaxed against the concrete, now. He raised the can of coffee to his lips and took a long drink. “No ghouls, although…” Ikuma lowered the can and stared hard at the ground. “There was… well, do you remember when Japan’s second Ajin appeared?” 

“Vaguely.”

“Well he lived on a farm that wasn’t too far from where I lived. So there was a huge ruckus at the time. People talked about him for years even after the government took him in. I guess they still talk about the Tanaka family as if they’re some sort of urban legend.” 

“Wow.” Hide considered that for a moment as he mulled over his sweet drink. “An Ajin, huh? I can see why people were so excited. I mean, you hear about ghouls all the time, but Ajin? I’d nearly forgotten they existed, to be perfectly honest.” 

Ikuma took another sip of his emptying coffee, seeming to be thinking over his reply. Hide wondered what a ghoul would think of an Ajin. He knew Ajin were immortal, obviously, but how? Were they impervious to all harm, like some sort of living gods? Or did they heal simply too fast to kill? And did they taste the same as humans to a ghoul? 

He had no way of knowing. There were some occasional videos about supposed Ajin on the internet, but those all looked pretty fake. Depending on the answers, he supposed a ghoul would be very interested in an Ajin. Although he found no such interest in Ikuma’s gaze. He looked rather pitying, actually.

“My high school economics teacher grew up with the Ajin, apparently. He wasn’t there when he died or anything, but I remember one time he told us that he still wondered what the Ajin-guy was up to, and how he was doing. It made me think about what that’d be like. To be out of reach, but still alive and never seeing the people you used to know again.” 

Suddenly uncomfortable with the topic, Hide let the silence continue for a moment before he brought up a band he’d discovered recently. Ikuma took to the new topic readily, and they spoke about the band and others until Hide’s drink had chilled in his hand, and he noticed that Ikuma was no longer taking sips from his. 

“Well, I guess I better let you get back to it.” Hide yawned, and began to stand. “Wouldn’t want to keep you from your precious guitar for too long!” 

“Pff, don’t be dramatic, I’m not that bad.”

“Well I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen you without it for longer than five minutes,” Hide teased, brushing the dirt off his pants. 

“Well I’ve never seen you without those headphones.” 

Hide, caught in the act of pulling the same headphones around his ears, paused. “...you got me there,” he acquiesced. “Well I’ll see you around, buddy. Good luck today!” 

“Hey Hide! Wait!” 

Slipping his headphones back down to rest on his shoulders, Hide turned around to face Ikuma. “What’s up?” 

“Um…” The musician was fiddling with the zippers on his guitar case, and his face was pinched - as if he’d eaten something sour. “Y’know that record store you were telling me about, before? The one in the seventh ward?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Uh, w-well,” Ikuma turned his head away, and leaned forward slightly. He ran a hand through his hair, nearly managing to dislodge his beanie. “I’ve heard some rumors… lately.” 

“What types of rumors?” 

“Just that it might not be so safe right now… I guess.” Ikuma turned back to meet Hide’s gaze with earnest eyes. “I’d just avoid heading to that record store for the time being.” 

“Aw, Ikuma-kun you’re keeping an eye out for me? How sweet!” Hide turned his gaze towards the tops of the skyscrapers and gripped a hand over his chest. “Be still, my beating heart!” 

“Psh, come off it! I’m just letting you know, okay! You hear things sitting on a street corner all day.” 

Hide grinned. “I’m sure. Well it’s not like I could afford records right now anyway.” Especially not with how expensive storage units are nowadays, he added internally. “Thanks though, Ikuma-kun! I’ll buy you another coffee sometime!” 

Hide waved as he left, but Ikuma was already busy re-tuning his guitar and didn’t notice. It was just as well. Pulling out his phone, he clicked away from the makeup tutorial that was still up, and searched for a map of the seventh ward. 

Increased ghoul activity (at least that’s what he assumed Ikuma had been alluding to) would certainly be dangerous, but Hide was well past the point of caution. Every moment since the raid was another where Hide wondered whether Kaneki was even still alive. Each moment was a burden, and Hide felt as if he was stumbling closer to his breaking point every minute. He’d go during the day first, he decided. Why wait? And then, if the situation seemed promising, he’d head back at night to gather what information he could. 

He wondered if Nishiki had left some of his stuff in the club room over the weekend, as he often did. Hide could grab a jacket of his or something and return it before his senpai ever even noticed, right? 

X

That night, Hide paced about his living room, newspaper clippings and bits of string dangling loosely from his hands. He’d ventured into the seventh ward that day, and although he’d stuck mainly to populated areas, there was definitely some significant movement going on. 

Passerby’s eyes slid past the shadows that moved down darkened alleyways, and looked over the shoulders of the people who wore loose clothes and ducked their faces down under security cameras. Hide had sat under the lights of different cafes well into the late afternoon and watched over the pages of a well-read manga as people walked by, stopped to talk, or avoided everyone else entirely. He’d returned back to the 20th ward with the intention to go back the following night, after he’d had a bit more time to study the ward’s layout. 

But now he paced about, a buzzing under his veins urging him on. He wanted to move forward now. He was ready, he thought. He’d picked up Nishiki’s forgotten rain jacket in the club room, and it was now stored safely in a ziplock bag until he was ready to use it. He should wait, he needed a better plan… but the thought that Kaneki could be out there at this very moment, scared or injured or fighting for his life clung persistently. Kaneki was strong, of course, Hide had seen him decimate Nishiki when he’d attacked them, but who knows what kind of ghouls were out there? That thought spurred Hide on, and he made his decision. It wasn’t like he’d sleep tonight anyway, as geared up as he was. 

Pushing aside his reservations, Hide grabbed his backpack and shoved Nishiki’s coat inside. He’d put it on closer to the 7th ward. Biking there would take awhile, but it wasn’t like the trains would be open anyway. And he may as well work off some of this restless energy. 

Biking through the city after midnight was both bizarre and relaxing. On one hand people were always surprised to see someone riding a bike so late, and so no one ever really bothered him. On the other hand, the people who crossed his path at that time were always very memorable. It was like the city became something else for a few hours. He’d pass loud, brightly-lit streets filled with people dressed in bright colors and  
smelling of alcohol and sweeter things, and then he’d pass through streets where there was no sound; just the shadow of a cat darting across the corners of his vision. He sped through it all, neither a participant in the scenery nor an outsider. 

By the time he had made it to the border of the 7th Ward, the manic energy which had inspired him to leave in the first place had disappeared. Instead he was left with a buzzing calm and a clarity of focus. He was still uneasy, of course, for a number of reasons, but it no longer itched his skin or made his breath come up short. 

When he came to one of the busier blocks, Hide stopped at a conveniently-located 711 and locked his bike outside. The clerk was asleep at the counter. They didn’t stir when he opened the door. He went to stand in front of the refrigerated drinks, and pulled his backpack from over his shoulders. Carefully, and keeping an eye on the slumbering cashier, he pulled Nishiki’s ziplocked jacket out. The cashier slept on, even when the rustling got a bit loud when he pulled it on. At the bottom of the bag was an added bonus: a beanie Hide had seen Nishiki wear a total of one time. It had been stuffed inside the raincoats inner pocket, maybe put there when a rainy day had gotten unexpectedly warm. 

Surrounded by the smell of a ghoul, Hide allowed himself to relax marginally. It was a simple disguise, but the subtle smouldering scent - like wine and tempered steel - had served him well before. 

Hat and jacket on, Hide grabbed half a dozen of the black canned coffees from the warmer by the register. Shifting to the counter, Hide placed them down and coughed none too quietly. The cashier stirred, and looked up at Hide with blurry eyes. 

He took his money out and began counting while the cashier sat up, and rubbed at his face. A wide yawn gave Hide a view of white rows of teeth, and the unfortunate smell of what he’d eaten last. Something pickled, maybe. 

Hide left with his purchase, and watched in the reflection of the window as the cashier laid back down to sleep. 

He left his bike behind, and continued on foot. From what he’d gathered earlier that day, much of the ghoul activity seemed to be located on the edges of the city center. It wasn’t at all an exact science though, and as Hide walked through the increasingly quiet streets, it became a bit like a game of hot and cold. Too cold and the streets were abandoned - too hot and he found himself in clubbing and party districts. After an hour or so, Hide finally came across something interesting. A group of three scraggly-looking younger men were hanging around the peripheries of one of the clubs. They wouldn’t have drawn his attention but for the way they were watching the crowds of people walking by. An up and down look for each person, a solid headcount of the group, and then an eventual dismissal. Afterwards the three turned towards each other and spoke quietly, their mouths barely moving. Two of them were holding bottles of alcohol, but they never took a sip. The third held an unlit cigarette between his lips. They were trying to blend in, and they were succeeding, to an extent. 

With a glance around and a breath to steel his nerves, Hide began his approach of the group. The shortest of them noticed his approach first, and kept his eyes trained on Hide while elbowing his buddy in the ribs. 

Hide managed to avoid swallowing, but couldn’t keep away a nervous press of his lips. Breathe easy, he instructed himself.

“Yo.” Hide greeted, holding one hand up in a small wave. He caught their smell as he walked closer. Smooth, but nearly corrosive, it was on its way to burning his nostrils. 

So he’d been correct. 

“Who the hell’re you?” It was the one who’d initially seen him. He wore a faded green jacket with a Mountain Dew logo on the front. The one in the middle - he wore a red and black snapback - subtly sniffed the air as he approached. The one on the left, wearing a pair of ripped jeans and no jacket just watched him. 

“I’m new to the seventh ward.” Hide stopped a good two meters away. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out three of the coffee cans he’d bought earlier and offered them forward. “Would you guys mind telling me what the deal is around here?” 

The two on the outside glanced at their buddy in the middle, who nodded. Hide relaxed, and stepped forward, handing a warm can to each ghoul. 

“Thanks.” The guy in the snapback murmured, popping the tab open. “What’s your name?” 

“Naito.” Hide replied. “Miyoshi Naito.” 

“Alright Naito, you said you’re new to the seventh ward?” 

Hide nodded, then looked behind him. People were passing them in the street. They weren’t close enough to hear, but still… the last thing he needed was for an investigator or something to mistake him as a ghoul. That would be hard to explain at work.

Snapback guy got the message. “Come on,” he gestured, urging Hide to follow them deeper into the alley. Hide did, and briefly thought that this broke nearly every safety rule he’d ever been taught as a child. Oh well. 

Further in the shadow between the tall buildings, Hide crouched, facing the three ghouls. “I’m from the ninth ward.” He lied, opening the tab on his own coffee. “I lived right on the border of the eleventh.Did you guys hear about the raid?” The three nodded. 

“I saw it on the news” Mountain Dew whispered. “Apparently a huge ghoul organization got taken down over there.”

“Exactly.” Hide took a sip of his coffee, humming at the bitter taste. “I lived just a few blocks away from where it all went down. I didn’t even know the organization existed until the raid happened.” He sighed. “But anyway the place has been crawling with Investigators ever since. I figured it was only a matter of time before they caught on. So I decided to bail. Found a job over here.”

“You might want to keep looking for a better place.” Snapback began, “Lately the seventh has been getting - ”

“Doves.” The ghoul without a jacket interrupted, staring hard at Hide. 

“Huh?” Hide swallowed. What did that mean? Doves?

“You called them ‘investigators’ earlier. Why didn’t you just say ‘doves’?”

Shit, Hide wanted to cuss. ‘Dove’ must have been some sort of code-word for investigators. But how was he supposed to know that?

“Oh yeah…That is kind of odd…” Mountain Dew looked him up and down in uncertainty, and Snapback gave another sniff of the air. 

Mind racing, Hide glanced left to right, and then leaned in, gesturing for the ghouls to do the same. “That’s another thing.” He nodded at Jacket-less guy. “A few days before I bailed, two of ‘em walked into the restaurant I worked at. I was scared out of my mind. But when I went to take their order I heard one of ‘em telling the other how if someone used the word ‘dove’ to refer to an investigator then it was enough ground to arrest them on suspicion of being a ghoul.” 

Hide watched, feeling like his heart was going to pound out of his chest, and any second they were going to call him out on his bullshit, but he stayed focused, and kept his face serious. 

“Damn,” Snapback hissed, finally, his shoulders relaxing. “You serious? But then you -” 

Hide stiffened. The smell of ghoul - not like the ones he was with - stronger and thicker, washed over him. It was like heated metal or blown glass, with none of the smoothness Hide knew from Ikuma, or even the ghouls here. 

Before he could speak up, a fifth voice chimed in.

“Looks like the trash still hasn’t been taken out.” Hide looked up quickly, pairing the smell to the voice’s direction.

It took him a moment to find the source of the voice. A figure crouched atop a fire-escape above them, his face hidden in the shadows of a fur-lined hood.

“Fuck!” Jacket-less snarled, and the three were on their feet in moments. A moment too slow, Hide scrambled to follow them. “You again! We told you to get lost!” 

“No.” The new ghoul sounded amused. “I was the one to tell you to get out. I’ve claimed this territory for Aogiri. There’s no room for riffraff like you anymore.” 

“Oh yeah?!” Snapback roared, “well if your memory is so good then you’ll remember that last time we told ya fuck off and suck it! This is our territory!” Hide glanced at him to see that his irises had gone red. In the dark alley and against the black of his sclera, they seemed to glow with an pulsing light. A look confirmed that the other two’s eyes had also shifted. 

He was in over his head, Hide realized. He didn’t come to get wrapped up in a turf war. Especially not with Aogiri. He needed to run. Shifting his back to the brick of one of the buildings, Hide took a slow step backwards. 

“There’s more of you than there was last time.” The ghoul on the escape noted, red eyes glowing. “Well whatever. This is boring.” 

The smell became nearly overpowering, and as Hide fumbled for the packet of sauce in his pocket, two blue and purple wing-like organs erupted from the ghouls shoulders.

“Kagune” Hide whispered. He stepped backward, quiet, and thought that if the trio of ghouls in front of him kept snarling and posturing to the intruder, they all might be distracted enough to allow him time to run. 

A purple-something coiled out from under Snapback’s hoodie, and identical green-glowing armor raced down both Mountain Dew’s and Jacket-less’ shoulders and arms. 

The reckless, curious part of his brain wanted to see how ghouls would use their kagunes, but that part was fortunately drowned out by the coward in him. 

Hide turned to run. 

Feet pushing against pavement, Hide would later rebuild the scene that occured behind him. A whistle of something fragmented and solid sounded from the challenging ghoul, and Snapback tumbled to the pavement with a startled yelp. The spears met Mountain Dew and Jacket-less with a resounding clang, and Jacket-less roared, perhaps for Snapback’s sake. The two charged forward with powerful and heavy steps. Another whistle cut the air, and the last defending ghouls fell in silence. By then, Hide had nearly made it to the edge of the alley. 

Between them, he knew who was the faster one was. There was no whistle this time, just the smack of his feet against the cracked concrete, the beat of his pulse in his throat, and his labored breaths.

He felt them coming. Similar to the feeling of a finger hovering between one’s eyebrows, a tingling sensation erupted from between his shoulder-blades. The sensation continued, and it was the one he focused on, even when the spear impacted and pierced him straight through. 

He was on his knees, and his hands shook with tremors for an eternity of seconds. Blood bubbled up from his lips, thick and tangy. 

“Huh? You were human? Odd…” The triumphant ghouls’ voice rang in his ears, echoing. Hide simultaneously understood it and discarded it as irrelevant. His shaking hands lifted themselves to rest on the slick surface protruding from his chest. He pushed, and that awful tingling went away, drowned out by the pain. 

“Oh I see. You were wearing the clothes of a ghoul. But why? Hm. Humans do stupid things, I guess. It’d be a shame to waste you though… oh, I know. I’ll send a collection team this way.” If the ghoul spoke again, Hide wasn’t listening.

Stupid. He felt so extraordinarily stupid. His head pressed against the cold concrete, and he wasn’t breathing, but he was still there. He wanted to scream, rage, thrash against the situation, but those options were removed from him now. With nowhere else to go, his frustration poured from his eyes and down his cheeks, where it mixed with the blood on his lips and chin. The wound on his chest roared, pulling him further apart with every second, demanding his attention. 

“Goddamnit!” Hide screamed, but no he didn’t, not really. He just gasped in silence, his mouth gaping like a suffocating fish, and then choked on his own blood, before his body spasmed and he lay still.

Now what? What would Kaneki feel, when he returned to find Hide gone? Would he think himself abandoned? Or would he blame himself for Hide’s disappearance? Or what if Kaneki never returned, and he just continued to burden himself as always, with no one to turn to? Would he, in his greatest moments of pain, wonder why Hide had never come for him? 

There was an emptiness in Hide’s body now. He thundered through his draining thoughts.

It was all his fault, in the end. If Hide had just been honest with Kaneki, then none of this would have ever happened. If he’d been less of a coward and confronted him. If he’d stopped and considered what it would mean to fail. If he hadn’t gotten so cocky… Damn it, damn it!  
.  
A beat. Silence…  
.  
He wished...  
.  
.  
.  
Hide gasped, his heart beating furiously in his ears. He struggled upright, his head woozy as blood rushed back into all his organs. With a snap, his chest closed and the kagune slid harmlessly off him, only half the size it had been before. It shattered like glass when it hit the asphalt. Finally, he got his feet underneath him and stood, swaying for a moment. The pain of death and his last thoughts lingered for a second longer before disappearing. 

“What…” Hide looked down at his blood-covered hands, and next down at his chest, which rose and fell at command, despite the kagune that had been sticking out of it just moments before. 

“...the hell?” 

Hide flinched, whirling around. The attacking ghoul stood at the back of the alley, red eyes fixed on Hide. “I killed you.” He growled, taking a step forward. His face passed into the light, and Hide had a moment to realize that the ghoul was quite young. Barely even a teenager. 

“Wait -” Hide held up a hand, mind racing. 

“I should have realized.” The ghoul hissed. “Of course. You smell like HIM! Don’t tell me you’re another one-eyed freak.”

“I - I don’t -!” 

“Shut up!” The ghoul screeched, fury etching itself deeper into his face with every passing second. “Just shut up and DIE already!” He launched himself forward, Kagune re-blossoming across his shoulders. 

Hide took a step back, unable to do anything more than just squeeze his eyes shut and wait for the second blow. 

Then something inexplicable happened. He saw himself, cowering at the entrance to the alleyway, while also standing besides his own body. The teenage ghoul was going to kill him again. Not thinking, Hide leapt and intercepted the ghoul mid-jump. Maybe it wouldn’t work, he thought, things were happening so fast, but… raising his arm back, he punched the oncoming ghoul in the nose. 

Hide’s eyes snapped open and he was back in his own body just in time to see the ghoul sent flying back by a dark, vaguely-humanoid figure. 

After that he was gone, his body throwing him into action even though his brain had yet to catch up. He sprinted from the alley, leaving behind three corpses, a knocked-out ghoul, an unidentified creature, and an abandoned pool of blood. He raced through the streets, pushing past and dodging cars and bodies alike. He wasn’t sure what that creature had been, or why he’d literally been it for a moment, but he did know one thing. 

He’d died, and then he’d come back.

He was an Ajin. 

At some point miles after he’d left the pulsing beats and flashing lights of the clubbing district, a park appeared off to his left. Hide veered towards it impulsively, ducking behind a tree where he then stopped. 

Had anyone seen? Was he being followed? Those were questions Hide had been running with for awhile now, and he fought to quiet his labored breathing, and to hear over his thundering pulse. No one followed him into the park, nor did he hear the rallying shouts of pursuit. It looked like the city had decided to overlook him. At least for now. 

Hide slid down to sit at the base of the tree. There was a lot to think about, a lot to consider. He’d have to do something about his blood-soaked clothes before he returned home. He’d have to find out if there had been any incriminating security cameras, or if the ghoul had seen his face well enough to recognize him if they ever crossed paths again. 

Hide’s hand shook as he gently, very gently, pressed it against his warm chest. There was a hole in his shirt and in Nishiki’s jacket, but his ribcage was strong and unyielding under his touch. 

There were a lot of things to think about. He couldn’t do anything currently though. For now, there was room for only one thought in his head. 

“Thank god.” He whispered, pushing the base of his palms against his eyes. “Thank god…”


	2. Play it Cool

Hide was inching towards panic. It took the edge off his relief, and helped him focus. With every passing second he became more and more aware of the still-present danger. The ghoul could wake up and follow his trail. Any number of the clubbers outside the alley could have seen or heard something and become curious. He had to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible.

First things first. He took a quick inventory. His pants and shoes were okay. A bit blood-spattered, but it wasn’t too noticeable. Comparatively, his shirt and Nishiki’s jacket were absolutely unrecognizable. The shirt now had a gaping hole through the center and in the bottom left portion of the back. Hide didn’t even remember being stabbed there. It was also heavily stained with blood, so much so that he couldn’t make out the original color at all. Nishiki’s rain jacket was in a similar state. He almost felt bad, except then he remembered that Nishiki had tried to eat him before, so compared to that, stealing and ruining a jacket probably wasn’t all that bad. 

Hide somehow managed to keep hold of his backpack through the whole being-attacked-by-a-ghoul-and-dying fiasco. He hadn’t been wearing it when he’d died (seeing as it had emerged relatively unscathed) so Hide could only guess that he had somehow managed to grab it after he’d, well, revived. His cellphone still had battery, and his wallet was there too. 

He’d also discovered an abandoned hoodie on one of the park’s picnic benches. Which was great, because he really wasn’t all that keen on baring his chest for the entire world to see either through his ruined clothes or without them. He shucked the items off and pulled on the hoodie. It was a bit damp, and smelled strongly of alcohol, but it would have to do. 

No sooner had he left the park than the sky opened up in a downpour. It was a blessing, really. His blood would be washed away, and surely any trail he’d made since then would also be removed. He wished he hadn’t left his bike behind at the 711, but he supposed there was no going back for it now. He had a feeling the ghoul would be looking for him the moment he came to.

Hide was far too keyed up to walk back towards the twentieth ward, nor did he think it was all that good of an idea anyway, so he ran for it. It was a good thing his headphones were waterproof, he thought. Wearing Nishiki’s jacket around his waist and with the hood of his new jacket pulled up, Hide figured he must look like an especially insane jogger. No one would suspect that he was a newly-minted Ajin fleeing from the scene of his own murder. No one would have any reason to. 

X

Hide made it back in the early hours of the morning. He stood in the entryway of his apartment and looked around, feeling breathless. The trip from the park to here felt like a blur. Was he safe now? 

If he wasn’t, it wasn’t like there was anything more he could do about it. Hide stood and dripped water onto the floor for another moment before he staggered forward, intent on a shower.

Hot water is a blessing, he thought, turning his face up to meet the spray. He could feel the grime and blood melting from him. Lathering some shampoo into his hair, he hummed and began to think. 

So. What he knew. 1. He had died a few hours ago. 2. He was probably an Ajin. Definitely, he decided after a moment. Seeing as he was sure he’d died, the fact that he was still here meant that he was definitely an Ajin. 3. Some mysterious… thing… had appeared to save him from being killed again. And finally, 4. He had somehow entered that thing’s body and punched the ghoul in the nose. 

Hide tilted his head back to rinse the suds from his hair. Alright, now that that was squared away, what was he going to do about it? Not get caught, that was the first priority. From what he’d heard, Ajins were put under the care of the government. Which at best meant that he’d be locked up forever and at worst meant that he’d be no better than a lab rat. An immortal lab rat. Yikes. 

Both were unacceptable options, and he would have to avoid them at all costs. Aside from the government, he’d also have to avoid ghouls. Hide released a gust of air and tilted his head down, letting the hot water run down his neck. 

“I was reckless…” he murmured. Reckless, and irresponsible. And so, so, incredibly lucky. The water rushed to the drain in lighter and lighter shades of pink. He’d be more careful next time, he decided. He’d have to be, to reach Kaneki. The last of the bloodied water disappeared, and Hide nodded, cementing the idea in his head. 

So he wouldn’t get caught. But he didn’t want to... well, ‘waste’ wasn’t the right word. Ignore, maybe? Hide didn’t want to ignore this new revelation either. If he was careful, maybe he could even use it as an advantage? 

The ghoul’s murderous gaze flashed in his mind’s eye, and for half a second Hide nearly expected to feel the impact between his shoulders-blades again. He shook his head, attempting to clear the memory away. 

Back to what he was originally trying to plan: He had to get rid of the evidence. The rain had helped a lot there, but he’d still have to dispose of his ruined clothes. And clean his apartment. He’d dripped blood on the floor, he noted, walking out of the bathroom. After that was squared away he’d do some research on where he’d been at the time of his death. Incriminating security footage, nosy neighbors, that sort of thing. It’d be best if he didn’t return to the area for a while, not with a possibly furious ghoul running around, so he’d have to figure out some way around that. 

Hide hummed and pulled on a pair of loose sweatpants and a baggy sweater. The ghoul was definitely the biggest danger, currently. He knew what Hide looked like. Even though he hadn’t seemed to understand the situation when it happened, there was no saying that he wouldn’t realize Hide was an Ajin eventually. 

Wandering into the kitchen, Hide opened and closed his fridge absent-mindedly. There was probably nothing he could do about that, except keep a sharp eye out and avoid the seventh ward like a plague. 

So what else? Perhaps… that figure from before. Hide leaned back against his counter and looked up to stare at his dim ceiling light. He had been sort of projected into its body, and was able to control it. He had a hunch as to where it had come from. 

It began with a soft crackling sound, like fall leaves being pushed by wind across pavement. Then tiny spots of blackness appeared near his feet, growing more numerous by the second. Curiously, Hide lifted his hand to see the black sand-like grains lifting from his skin to join the growing mass in his kitchen. 

He made out the feet first. They were mostly human-looking, with the arch of the foot being just a little too pronounced and the toes just a little too clawed. The black sand was constantly moving, but Hide could make out an etched pattern across the beings’ skin, as if it was covered in bandages. Next came its legs, and Hide quickly realized that the creature was going to be very tall. 

Hide followed its progress with his gaze, taking a step back to get a better look at it. The thing’s torso was scant in the middle, barely thicker than a spine at its narrowest point, but when its arms and shoulders formed they looked solid. The arms came to rest just above its knees, and the creature’s hands, like its feet, ended in sharp points. 

The head was not really a head, Hide observed. The rest of its body was fairly human-like, two legs, two arms, all that jazz, but whoever had designed this thing had clearly gotten bored toward the end or something, because any representation of a human ended from the shoulders up. The neck was long and thin, and curved away from the body slightly, before turning back towards its center mass, disappearing somewhere behind what must serve as its ‘head’. The face, if it could be called that, was a blank sunken disk with none of the usual features one tended to expect on a face. A dozen or so nearly-identical protrusions flared outward in all directions from the concave plane 

Hide released a gusty sigh and looked straight down. Stance wide, he crossed his arms over his chest and looked back up, squinting.

“Are you a lion?” He wondered. The stuff around its face did somewhat resemble a mane, but it wasn’t quite right. 

“You’re a flower.” He decided. It was a flower too. It had to be, with the petals in full bloom and everything. Even the neck was like a stalk. 

“A flower…” Hide muttered, “On the body of a... tall, muscular woman.” He tilted his head and looked the creature up and down. 

Flower or no, he observed, it looked like she’d be the carnivorous-type. Hide edged forward, moving to stand on his tiptoes to get a better look at the tiny pointed teeth lining the edges of her ‘petals’. Did that make her entire face a mouth? Cool. Hide took a step back, and looked up at her again. She really wasn’t all that scary. “Who are you?” He asked, not really sure if he was expecting an answer or not. 

The creature remained silent and immobile for several long seconds. “Who… are you?” Her words rang oddly in his ears, and Hide forced back a shiver. That had been his own voice just now, but it was distorted, like someone had recorded an echo of him speaking and then played it back through an old radio. 

She had parroted him, but still, maybe she had understood? “I asked you first.” 

“I asked you...” Her shoulders lifted in a mock exhale, and Hide’s eyes widened as the sand that formed her body began to dissipate. 

“H-hey! Wait, don’t go yet! I have questions! Hold on!” She paid no heed, and had fully deformed in seconds. Hide spent several moments trying, but he was unable to call her back. 

“Damn.” He gave up, bracing a hand against his kitchen counter while he used the other to massage the muscles around his eyes. He really did have a bunch of questions. What was she? What was she made of? Why did she look like that? And why was he able to do that POV-switch thing in the first place? Although honestly-speaking, it didn’t look like the creature had any answers to give him. 

His backpack was lying in the hallway near the bathroom and it caught Hide’s eye. There was no one who could give him the answers he wanted right now, and no one he would trust with this secret besides. Except maybe his mom. Should he try and reach her? No, he shook his head. He knew she was currently completely off the grid. He’d called her after Kaneki had disappeared, asking for advice, and she still hadn’t gotten back to him, which meant that it was too dangerous for her to do so. Hide wouldn’t make her worry more than she probably already was. 

In the meantime though, the thought of making a call nagged in the back of his mind. He wanted… he wanted to talk to his best friend. Even if he didn’t answer, Hide wanted to talk to Kaneki. 

Padding over to his bag, he avoided the puddles of discolored rain water and pulled out his cell phone. 

He knew it would go straight to voicemail, as it had for weeks, but he still couldn’t crush the disappointment he felt when it didn’t even ring. 

“This is Kaneki Ken. Leave a message after the tone.” Short and sweet. Hide remembered helping Kaneki record that message, shortly after he’d gotten the phone. Hide had tried to convince him to use a funny message, but Kaneki had stuck with this. He was glad. It… was real, this way. Hide was briefly tempted to hang up and call again to hear it a second time, but he decided not to. He didn’t want to fill up the machine. 

The tone sounded, and Hide was quiet for a moment. What could he possibly say? 

“Hey Kaneki!” He began, “What’s new man? Seems like it’s been forever since we last talked!” It was too forced. It didn’t sound natural. “Today I really - um... today I kinda…” he hissed, pressing his hand against his eyes. He was done crying tonight, damnit. “I messed up, Ken,” he admitted, and it was a relief to admit it. “I really did. And I almost…man I was seriously thinking I’d never see you again for a minute there! Is that wild or what?” Hide laughed, and it almost sounded genuine.

“But… now I can. You just hang on, okay Kaneki? I dunno what kind of trouble you’ve gotten yourself into, but you can rely on me! I’m gonna… I’m gonna help you.” The lump in his throat faded, and Hide took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He mumbled. “Yeah, okay. Okay.” He moved to hang up, but thought better of it. “I miss you.” he added “I’ll see you soon, okay? Just… stay safe, until then.” The phone closed with a snap, and Hide took a second breath, pressing it to the space between his eyes. 

Right. 

He stood up. 

He knew what he had to do. Now he just had to do it. 

First Hide stuffed the ruined clothes in a few plastic bags so that they’d stop dripping everywhere. Then he grabbed some old towels and mopped up the floor. The towels then joined the clothes in a trash bag. He didn’t have a mop, but he did have a scrub brush that he used whenever he was struck with the urge to clean. 

Fortune among fortunes, his flooring was made of the cheap fake-hardwood stuff, so it was much easier to clean. He followed his trail to the bathroom, and then spent some time cleaning his shower before pouring some bleach down the drain.

He hoped that that would be enough, but he could do some more research at his school’s library on thorough cleaning. Now that he was thinking about it, he wondered if researching how to properly clean stuff was something that a lot of ghouls did. Or Ajins, for that matter? There had to be more of them out there. People who had died and come back to life in relative privacy would have been able to continue living normal lives… provided they hid the evidence. 

It was another thing to think about. 

He checked his watch, wondering how much sleep he’d manage to get before he had to wake up in the morning, when a sting of panic jolted his spine. It was much later than he expected. His first class began in half an hour. 

Scrambling for a set of day clothes, Hide catalogued his day in his mind. His english literature class began at 9, then he had an hour break before his foreign policy class, then he had a shift at the CCG right after. Today was one of his busy days. 

He was ready just barely in the timeframe that would allow him to be on time when he realized that through all his cleaning he had forgotten two important things: his shoes, and his backpack. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Hide took the blood-spattered shoes from their alcove by the doorway and ran to put them in a garbage bag. Maybe he could salvage them, but now wasn’t the best time to try. His backpack looked okay, but he decided to be safe rather than sorry. He had an old one that he kept in the back of his closet, so he grabbed that. It wasn’t as nice as his current one, and he thought that Kaneki might have puked on it at some point. Maybe in high school? Whatever. It would have to do. 

He made it as far as the door before noticing that he’d forgotten a jacket and his CCG employee pass. 

Finally, Hide was out the doorway. He checked his watch again; he could just make it if he ran. 

X

The goal was to have a normal day. He’d go to class, he’d say hello to his classmates, and then he’d go to work and be his usual cheery self. It was important that it was as uneventful as possible. If he didn’t act any different, then no one would notice anything was different. Hide thought this over as he slid into his usual seat for his first class. He could push last night’s events to the back of his mind and focus on the now. 

He pulled out his notes, and played the part of the distracted-but-present student. No one in class stared, and slowly, Hide began to relax. He could do this. 

“Nagachika, how do you feel about your impending death?” 

Hide contained the flinch to his hands, and just barely kept himself from throwing his pen across the room. “What?” He looked up, eyes wide.

His english professor leaned against her desk and didn’t glance up from the book in her hands. “I asked how you think Mckay feels about his impending death, Nagachika. From the poem?” She finally looked up, her gaze relaxed, and Hide’s brain began to reboot itself. 

The poem, the poem, right. “Um, h-he. He feels… defiant.” Hide clasped his hands together to calm their shaking. 

“Good. Defiant is exactly the word I’d use to describe the tone of the poem. And what else?” 

“He’s angry. He… wants to go down fighting, and take as many of his enemies with him as he can.” 

“Excellent. Watanabe, given what we know about this time period in American history, can you tell me why Mckay may have felt this way?” 

Hide’s pulse didn’t cease its frantic pace until they’d moved on to a discussion of a different poem. Under his desk, he repeatedly clenched and relaxed his fists. Even when he was feeling confident he’d still reacted badly to the mention of death, going so far as to completely mis-hear his professor. 

He breathed in and out. Normal. It was a normal day. 

The rest of the class passed quietly. When it was over, he picked up his things and crossed campus to one of its many coffee shops. An upbeat pop band played through his speakers. 

Were people staring at him more than usual? For the first time in his life, Hide wished that he had dressed in more muted tones. He’d grabbed his favorite yellow jacket instinctively, and paired with his highlighter pink-dyed jeans and pale green sneakers, he made for quite a clash of color. 

Which was the intention, of course. But Kaneki wasn’t even here. So why was Hide still trying to deflect attention away from him? He was trying to pretend like everything was normal when it would clearly be better to stop drawing attention to himself. He was an idiot, it was as simple as that. Just like how he’d gone rushing off last night and gotten himself killed. He was - 

Hide chomped down on the inside of his cheek. Not enough to draw blood, just enough to sting. Calm down, he ordered himself silently. (He’d been doing that a lot lately.) Really though, there was no need to work himself up. He dressed in bright colors not just for Kaneki, but for himself too. He liked them. Plus, it’d be weird if he suddenly changed his wardrobe. 

He made it to the cafe and went to stand in line. Hide had pulled an unfortunate number of all-nighters in his life, and even accounting for all the spikes of adrenaline he’d received (so far) that morning he knew he’d crash sometime before noon if he didn’t indulge in some heart-attack inducing caffeine. 

“A twenty ounce double shot espresso, please.” He said when he reached the front of the line. 

The barista shot him a sympathetic gaze. “Would you like whip?” He asked. 

“Sure, why not?”

“Alright.” The employee gave him his total, and Hide relinquished an appropriate amount of money. “Here’s your receipt, have a nice day!” 

He reached out, and maybe his grip was too lax, or the barista’s too firm, because the pad of Hide’s thumb slipped against the thin paper, and parted his skin, like a knife to butter. He hissed in surprise, pulling his hand back to his chest. 

“Oh my gosh!” The employee was loud, frantic even, as he rushed to get something to help. Hide resisted the urge to press his thumb against the fabric of his clothes. 

“Here!” a wad of white napkins were pressed to him and Hide accepted them gratefully. He pushed the starched paper to the cut on his thumb, watching as a blotched circle of red began expanding outwards. 

“I really am so sorry! I don’t know how that could have happened! I’m - ”

Hide looked up. The barista was young, with wide brown eyes and messy dark hair, and he fell rather on the shorter side.

“It’s just a paper cut.” Hide said, blinking. He was too tired to put any emotion into it. His eyes dragged back down, magnetized, to the red spotted napkin held against his thumb. “I’m holding up the line. I’ll just get out of the way.” 

The kid was protesting, but the next person was already moving to take Hide’s place. He kept the napkin pressed to his hand and moved to where he’d pick up his drink, staring straight ahead. There were a few sets of eyes on him, but Hide didn’t let himself meet any of them, instead choosing who was looking and who wasn’t based off of body language. They may have noticed the incident just now, or maybe their eyes were just drawn to his colorful wardrobe. But this was a coffee shop, and the chance that a few individuals may be looking in his direction because they could smell the tang of his blood was too large a possibility to dismiss. Hide could smell it himself. Sharp and iron-like, he didn’t think that it smelled any different than his blood had before he’d died. 

He shifted the napkin to look at the cut. It stretched from the lower fatty portion of the pad of his thumb up to where his skin curved away to meet his fingernail. 

It was just a small injury, and there was barely enough blood to really be noticeable, but for a moment Hide remembered how it felt to have the smell of iron flooding his nose, damming up his throat, bubbling over his lips. He remembered it all swirling down the drain, briefly staining the tiles of his shower pink. He didn’t shiver, but his thumb stung in protest when he pushed the napkin against it a little too harshly. 

“Mister!” The short barista was standing in front of him, out from behind the counter. “Here’s your drink! And I brought you a bandaid or two ‘cause I thought that would be better than a napkin! And I really am sorry, so here!” The kid pressed a few bandaids and a stiff card at him, which Hide took a moment to identify as one of those punch cards where eight punches got you a free drink or pastry, or whatever. Only this card already had all the little spaces punched through. 

“Oh, thanks.” That was really kind. Hide smiled despite himself, and put the card into his back pocket. One of the band-aids wound itself around his thumb, and he felt a bit better at the sight of it. He took his drink from the barista, who ran back around to the other side of the counter. 

Hide left the shop, the wad of bloodied napkins in his front pocket feeling heavy.

Last night, he’d only begun to ‘heal’ once he’d well and truly died. Judging from the cut’s persistent sting, it wasn’t doing much of the superfast repair Hide now knew he was capable of. 

So did he have to die, then? Was death the catalyst? Or did dying only fix the wounds that had actually killed him? He hummed, quietly, and slipped his headphones around his ears. 

It was a good thing that the black sand hadn’t appeared to stitch the skin on his thumb back together. He hadn’t been worried about it in the moment, but he should have been. There was still so much he didn’t understand about the nature of what he was. Any number of things could possibly give him away. What if, upon cutting his hand on a little piece of paper a seven foot-tall giant of a woman with a flower for a head had appeared with no preamble inside the cafe? That would have been hard to explain, to say the least. 

He needed to know more about who he was. 

Summer had ended while he hadn’t been paying attention. He looked and saw it now as he walked to class. When Kaneki had disappeared, Hide’s world had ground to a halt. He felt like everyone and everything should have stopped and waited for him to find Kaneki and pull him back. Nothing had, though, and Hide felt silly for realizing that he’d felt that way at all. The seasons were changing; people were putting on more layers, and sitting inside. The world was still turning despite what Hide might feel. People still had problems, still laughed, still cried, and none of it had anything to do with Hide or Kaneki. 

The worst day of his life might have been the best to someone he’d never met, or completely mediocre to anyone else. Wherever he was, Kaneki was probably changing too. People always were. Last night was undoubtedly a turning point in Hide’s life, but no one else knew about that. 

Hide didn’t laugh, but it was a near thing. Was it too cliche to think that he’d wanted Kaneki there to witness every change in his life?

His next class passed by uneventfully. The professor wasn’t the type to call on students who didn’t raise their hand, so Hide spent his time in the back, staring out the window and compulsively pressing his injured thumb to his forefinger every once in awhile, wanting to see if it had begun healing. It hadn’t. 

He sipped at his coffee, and the artificial energy it fed into his veins began waking him up, bit by bit. His eyes still felt gummy, and his skin oddly sensitive (as it always was after an all-nighter) but the gloomy exhaustion cloud around him dispersed. 

Hide’s mind drifted to his shift later in the day. It’d been three months since the raid on the ghouls in the seventh ward, so Hide doubted he’d be hearing anything about it that he hadn’t already. The CCG was switching gears to investigate in other areas, which was just as well, he supposed. Maybe he could pull some information out of his new friend there, Takizawa. 

Takizawa was one of the newer investigators Hide had happened to bond with in the cafeteria one day. They both really enjoyed the curry, and that had been enough to spark up a conversation. For his part, Hide was silently in a bit of awe over Takizawa, who was close to his age but still willing to put his life on the line as an investigator. 

He wasn’t sure what Takizawa thought of him, exactly, but Hide thought that he might not have many friends his own age. If it wasn’t for the fact that the biggest wall of his apartment was currently covered in bits of newspaper, photographs and string, like Hide was some sort of crazy conspiracy theorist, he might have invited Takizawa over to play video games. 

It was just as well. Investigators didn’t seem to understand the concept of ‘time-off’ anyway. Not that Hide was any better these days. He wondered if he could cajole anything interesting out of his new friend today. 

X

“Good morning!” Hide pushed the door open, beaming at the receptionist staff. 

“Good morning”, they chanted back, engrossed in their work. All except for one, who shouted, “It’s past noon!” Hide didn’t see who it was before his attention was pulled elsewhere. 

“Nagachika-san, perfect timing.” Ruisawa flagged him down. She was the head of public information at the 20th ward, and his direct supervisor. She was a competent boss, and Hide liked her well enough. “I need you to deliver these to the head of Investigative Offices.” He took the offered reports and opened one in curiosity. Public Information never contained anything sensitive so it didn’t matter if he saw. “We’re updating the activity alerts on the website and I need him to double-check it for accuracy. Can you have it back in -” Ruisawa suddenly paused, and Hide looked up from where he’d been leafing through the reports to meet her gaze. “Nagachika-san.” Her ever-present smile didn’t falter in the least when she crossed her arms. “What happened? You look like death.” 

Hide blinked and kept his face relaxed despite the sudden influx of panic-induced adrenaline into his system. “What?” 

“I know being a student is hard these days so if you need me to cut back on your hours all you need to do is ask.” The smile returned. “We can’t have our staff running around with such horrible eye bags! Our image is important too, after all!” 

Oh, right. Hide recalled thinking that he would have to cover up the shadows under his eyes yesterday. He can’t imagine his latest all-nighter did him any favors. “No, no.” Hide deflected, grinning sheepishly. “It’s not my school work. I just got a new game last night and got a little carried away, that’s all.” He pressed his hands together and brought them to his face. “Sorry Ruisawa-san. It won’t happen again?” 

Her grin, already rather wide, stretched further. “See that it doesn’t! In fact, since it seems like you have time for games, can I pencil you in to cover Mayumi’s shift at the front desk on Thursday? She has a family emergency, you see.” 

“Thursday...?” He’d be working a double-shift, in that case. “I’m working in the afternoon…” 

“Then your schedule should already be clear, right? Be here at 8:30. I need those reports back in an hour.” She reached up and pulled the brim of his baseball cap down. “Cover those bags as best as you can. Thanks Nagachika-san!” 

“...Sure.” It was no big deal, he told himself. He didn’t have any classes that day. He’d been hoping on getting some personal investigating done, but those plans had been vague at best. 

Files in hand, Hide quickly clocked on and then moved to complete his first task for the day. Of all the departments in the CCG, the investigative offices were by far his favorite. People were less tight with information; it flowed easily between investigators as they brainstormed and plotted up hypothesis on X ghoul and Y’s movements. The chance he would overhear or see something interesting was probably greater than the chance he wouldn’t. 

The elevator dinged to announce his arrival, and Hide hurried out the door, half-running at an easy pace. He turned the corner and saw a pair of investigators walking towards him. Hide recognized them as probably the most odd pair at the branch. There was Shinohara, the easy-going grandfather type, and then the small childish Suzuya. Hide hadn’t talked with either of them before, but he’d heard rumors being spread about Suzuya especially. None of them were particularly kind. 

“Good day!” Hide greeted, working to really push positivity into his voice. From the corner of his eye, he saw Suzuya turn his head to follow his progress as Hide passed them. Hide glanced over to meet Suzuya’s wide, round eyes with a smile. The kid was actually kind of cute, he thought. The suspenders really worked for him.

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe compliment the suspenders, when something flashed in Suzuya’s gaze. Hide had no time to think before a bent wrist slammed with the full force of a jackhammer into the bottom of his jaw, and his feet were knocked out from under him. Blood filled his mouth - he’d bitten his tongue - and any shout of surprise or pain was lost when he fell flat on his back, the air knocked instantly from his lungs. 

There was a surge of white, and Hide managed a tiny croak when a knee drove itself into his chest, pinning him into the ground. Suzuya hovered above him, and there was no hesitation in his movements, no pause when a knife appeared into his hand and he slashed it downward towards Hide’s throat. Panicked, he called to his monster, but knew instinctively that she wouldn’t appear in time. 

I’ll be exposed! Hide thought, squeezing his eyes shut. 

A smack and a thud, and Hide opened his eyes to see that Suzuya’s strike had been intercepted centimeters away from his throat. He caught a flash of Shinohara’s thunderous gaze before Suzuya, undeterred, raised his other arm, identical knife in hand. 

Shinohara had bought him enough time, however. His monster solidified over Suzuya’s shoulder, black maw gaping, claws outstretched. The petals around her face shifted, and Hide could visualize how it would happen. He could see them wrap around Suzuya’s head, see the tiny pointed teeth dig into his skin and trap him there. No! He protested the thought. Crazy or no, this was just a child! And unlike with Hide, she could really kill Suzuya! His monster slowed, dropping her arm. 

Above him, Suzuya stilled as well. Hide took a gasping breath, watching hesitation, confusion, and sudden realization flit across the investigator’s face in rapid succession. He dropped both knives. 

“Whoops!” Suzuya leaned backward even as Shinohara heaved him bodily off of Hide. “My mistake!” He sang, grinning and tucked against Shinohara’s side. “I thought you were a ghoul for a second! How silly of me!” 

“What?” Hide coughed, struggling to rise. His monster crouched next to him, following Suzuya with a relaxed gaze. Shit, he thought, they had seen her. What should he do? Run for it? Use her as a distraction? Play dumb? 

But… neither Shinohara nor Suzuya seemed to be paying the ghost-like figure any mind. Hide rose, eyes darting between his monster and the pair of investigators uneasily. It was almost as if… as if they hadn’t seen her at all. 

“Is everything alright?” Hide peered over his shoulder to see another pair of investigators appear at the end of the hallway. Their eyes landed on Hide in confusion, and then the pair looked up at Shinohara and Suzuya, never once glancing in his monster’s direction. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Suzuya was babbling, waving his arms about from his bent over position against his mentor’s side. “It was just a misunderstanding!” He dragged out the last word in a whine. “Shinohara-san, let me go!” 

“Are you going to try and stab the errand-boy again?” 

“Stab… the errand boy?!” One of the newly-arrived investigators choked in alarm. His name slipped Hide’s mind for a moment before he remembered. Amon Koutarou. The resident 20th ward hottie, whom all the receptionists had crushes on. His partner, Akira Mado, turned toward Hide and offered an arm to help him stand. Hide took it. He’d bitten his tongue pretty badly, he assessed, feeling the damage with the roof of his mouth. Still, it wasn’t like he’d died or anything. 

“I won’t!” Suzuya shouted, “I promise! It was just a misunderstanding, the color of his eyes surprised me!”

His eyes? Hide’s thoughts snagged uneasily on that statement. They were just a normal brown, nothing that would cause someone mistake him for a ghoul. He glanced over at his monster once more. She crouched on the floor, still watching Suzuya. At his glance she turned towards him, cocked her head, and dissolved into the air.

“Are you alright? Nagachika-san was it?” Mado asked. 

“I’m okay.” Is what Hide tried to say, but it came out as more of a garbled slur around his swollen tongue. 

“Bitten tongue?” She guessed sympathetically. 

Hide nodded, swallowing another mouthful of blood. 

“Anything else wrong?” Mado was looking into his eyes, Hide realized, and she had a considering look on her face. 

Hide shook his head, holding her gaze. What was she seeing? Whatever it was, she wasn’t keen on sharing her thoughts, for she turned around with nothing more than a soft hum. 

A few feet away, investigator Amon seemed to have delved into a full-on lecture, bearing down on a chastized Suzuya with Shinohara hovering in the background, looking tired. 

Hide sympathized. His face and chest hurt, his papercut from earlier was still stinging, he hadn’t slept in god-knows how long, he’d died in the past 24 hours, almost died again two minutes ago, had a cool life-saving monster appear a few times (who was apparently invisible to everyone but him) and now he was being accused of having ghoul-like eyes. Which honestly, Hide thought, might as well happen. 

He spotted his dropped paperwork scattered around the hallway and mechanically moved to pick it up. He still had to get this signed off. Could he leave now, he wondered? 

Across the way, Amon seemed to have finished his lecture and was silently fuming. Shinohara dragged Suzuya forward and bent at the waist, pushing the young investigator’s head down. 

“I sincerely apologize for my subordinate!” He said, “can you please forgive his rash actions against your person and allow us to escort you to a nurse?” 

Hide swallowed. He really just wanted to get back to his normal day. “No harm, no foul,” he gestured for the two to stand upright, and worked up the energy for a light-hearted, albeit closed, smile. “I understand your jobs are very stressful so it’s only natural to make mistakes sometimes, right?” Hide bent over to pick up his discarded hat. “If anything, it’s a relief to know we have such skilled investigators like Suzuya-san on our side!” 

They didn’t let him off that easily, of course, but Hide insisted they think nothing of it. 

“That was a really cool move, Suzuya-san!” He gushed, grinning with closed eyes. “You were like wham!” Hide threw his arm upward, “And I was like gwah! I didn’t even know what happened! Hey do you think maybe you could teach me that move sometime, huh, Suzuya-san?” 

Slowly, the other investigators began to relax, Shinohara adopting a relieved smile. For his part, Suzuya didn’t seem to know how to react to Hide’s sudden friendliness, and he hid behind his senior investigator’s back. Maybe none of them were too keen on filling out an incident report, because they eventually let him off with nothing more than a promise to visit the ward’s resident first aid unit. A promise which Hide didn’t really intend on keeping; the nurse wouldn’t be able to do more than give him some ice to suck on, which Hide could just grab from the cafeteria himself. 

Finally, twenty minutes after the initial event, Hide was released to complete his original task. He jogged away, humming around his abused tongue, and pushed the brim of his hat down low. 

He made it back to Ruisawa with only five minutes to spare for her deadline. 

“Nagachika!” She did a double-take. “What happened to your face? You look awful!” 

X

Sometime later, Hide stood in front of a bathroom mirror.  


His eyes were red. Perhaps the revelation shouldn’t come as such a big surprise, concerning everything. He stretched his eyelids apart with one hand and leaned forward. 

Irises the color of wine stared at him, and he stared back, unwavering. They weren’t ghoul-red, which was more of a scarlet, sports-car hue, but they were red all the same. 

He stepped out from under the fluorescent lights, tilting his head. They were close to his original shade, which was probably why no one else had commented on them all day. It would be easy to dismiss it as a trick of the light, or just a unique quirk in someone’s coloring. 

Fooling himself, on the other hand, wasn’t so simple. 

Suzuya had been mistaken when he took him for a ghoul, but he’d been right when he assumed that Hide wasn’t human. 

Had he ever been human, really? 

.

Either way, it seemed like his days of playing a normal person were coming to their end. 

.

He couldn’t find it in himself to feel at all sad about that fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of set-up in this chapter. We'll be getting to the action soon though...


	3. Dreaming Nights and Death-Filled Days

Hide sat atop a plastic whale, and looked up at the sky.

Overhead, trembling galaxies rolled past with slow-blinking eyes, and suns like pink bubble bath grew and collapsed at a thought. The planets slid - calm - in orbit around the earth. 

He stood from the whale, and took his feet to the ground. He walked until the sky had darkened overhead. The darkness didn’t last, and soon he came to stand under a glowing street lamp. The aqua blue light ruffled his hair, and Hide held up a hand, watching insect shadows drift like comets across his palm. 

He began walking again, leaving the blue light behind him. Up ahead, the path led him to a green light. It cooled his eyes and left his fingertips soft, but he didn’t stop. He followed the trail to a yellow light, then orange, then red, pink, purple, and back to blue. He paused once more under the blue light. 

Rainbow lights trailed their way to the horizon, and they would reach even farther. He began towards the next green light. Something was lying at the street lamps base; it became clear as he grew nearer. Stepping under the green, Hide looked down at his own eyes. They were blank, sightless. Black liquid pooled at his lips, but it had long since stopped dripping to the ground. Hide shifted his eyes away as he stepped around his body, and kept walking. 

In the yellow light the body leaned against the streetlamp, his face tucked to his chest. His hair glowed like the tendrils of silk worms. Hide stared ahead, and kept moving. 

Under the orange light the body curled away from him, hands cradling nothing as if in prayer. 

The red light felt like breath against his cheeks. His body lay crooked, like the broken pieces of a dropped clarinet. His face saw nothing as it stared upward, but looking down Hide saw harshness in the lines he’d learned to recognize in a mirror. His feet dragged, but he moved forward. 

They came again and again, bathed in the neon lights that centered his road. Hide stepped past the bodies of his dead selves, his eyes sliding from one to the next. 

He did not look behind him, not once. 

Now something different lay ahead. He hesitated under the salty sweetness of a pink lamp, and caught the shadow of a different body, outside the edges of the light ahead. 

Ken...

Urgency weighted the roof of his mouth and pulled at his eyes. He took a running step forward, but something snagged at his body. Hide looked back. 

His body - a pink one - eyes wide and lips breath-less, had a finger hooked around his ankle. He shook it off, and kept running. 

At the purple light the body draped across the path stood when Hide rushed by, and took a step after him. 

He was there. At the next light. Hide reached forward, offered hand outstretched, and Ken looked back at him. His face glowed in melancholic blues. Hide was so close. 

His feet grew heavy. His legs turned leaden, and his arms sagged to his sides.

Frustration clawed at his eyes. Ken was there, he was waiting. And Hide had already walked so far. He looked down at the colored bodies pulling at his arms, halting his feet, and weighing down his legs. 

Look at us. They said. He turned away, fighting in their grip. Ken’s eyes… he could almost see them. Just a little closer. 

The light flickered, and Hide fought off the fingers encircling his wrists and ankles, jerked away from the arms wrapped around his waist, and shook off hands grasping for his legs. He ran forward. 

Under the silent blue of the streetlamp, Kaneki sat in a growing pool of black. Two holes where his eyes should have been bored into Hide’s soul. 

“You’re too late.” Kaneki rasped. 

X

Hide jerked awake, a curse on his lips and eyes stinging with tears. He shuddered, lost in the throes of the dream for another moment before it began to slip away. The dream cascaded through his fingers, but the emotion remained. Hide grasped onto its edge, held onto the shape of Kaneki’s lips as he spoke the words ‘you’re too late’ over and over again. 

The despair he felt, even at the memory of a dream of those words, shook his bones until he trembled against his sheets, grasping at nothing. 

He couldn’t afford to let the dream become reality. Hide rose, shaking the terror from his limbs as he did so, and went over to the desk in the corner of his room. Turning the light on illuminated textbooks he’d pushed to the side, as well as various papers and assignments. Since he was awake, and had no desire to fall back asleep, he may as well try and get some work done. 

It’d been two weeks since he’d fled the seventh ward covered in his own blood, and Hide had maintained a relatively low profile since then. He hadn’t done much in the way of personal investigations, nor had he even really interacted with any (known) ghouls at all. One or two people had commented on his eye color since his encounter with Suzuya, but no one had thought that there was anything odd about it. More like, it was a quirky feature they had never noticed before. Hide did nothing to deter them from that thought. 

In the time he managed to squirrel away for himself between school and work, he’d been experimenting with his monster. 

He’d decided to call her Himawari. It was cute, and apt, concerning the fact that her head was shaped like a sunflower, and she hadn’t been adverse to it, at the very least. Hide had learned that his time with Himawari was severely limited. As far as he could tell, she was built from the black grains of sand which he produced from his skin. How that happened wasn’t clear. He didn’t have, nor could he imagine, the tools necessary to glean how the sand was made.

Well, either way, he discovered that he could only produce so much of the stuff before he was spent. Hide could call Himawari forward twice a day, with the second time finding her significantly less substantial, and then he could only keep her around for 10 minutes or so each time before she dissipated. Efforts to force her into existence for a third time usually left him feeling constipated, though he tried every day. If this black sand-stuff worked as he hoped it did, then he thought he might be able to build it up like one would a muscle. This theory was supported when after the first week of experimenting with Himawari, he’d observed an average of a two-second increase in the time he was able to keep her around for. 

Though it was only for twenty minutes a day, they were twenty minutes well spent. Hide learned the trick to the POV-switch skill he’d performed when fending off the ghoul; it was simply a matter of squeezing his eyes shut and wishing to see from Himawari’s eyes. Once he had ‘control’ of her body, the sky was the limit. 

Adjusting to the seven-foot height proved to be a bit of a challenge, but after that he could run around, pick things up, sit, dance, and do mostly anything he could in his normal body. One thing he couldn’t do, however, was eat. Himawari’s whole face was really one big mouth, but there was nowhere for the food to go after that. 

Himawari was capable of speech, to an extent. When he was in his own body, she could and often did repeat stuff he said, but there didn’t seem to be any meaning behind it. He’d played some music out loud to see if she would repeat that, but despite multiple attempts she never did. Once Hide sang the lyrics himself, however, she echoed it. She wasn’t limited to things Hide had only just said, either. Once or twice Hide had caught her repeating something he’d said days prior. 

That was a bit exciting, because it told Hide that she was capable of holding onto memories. Or recordings, at least.

When in control of Himawari, Hide could speak somewhat normally. His voice came out distorted, but he could say what he wanted to. 

Hide had also been able to confirm Himawari’s invisibility. To play it safe, he’d first brought her out on an isolated train platform. He brought her forward when he exited the train, and then went to hide in a bathroom while he shifted to her viewpoint. The next train brought more people, but none of them glanced in Himawari’s direction. He had been able to interact with them though, and he’d nearly sent an office worker tumbling when they bumped into him. 

“You’re like a ghost.” Hide had told her when they met up again. 

“Like a ghost.” She repeated. It was one of her favorite phrases, now. 

When apart, Himawari would follow simple orders with ease. More complex commands eluded her in the beginning, until Hide realized that he was actually the problem. It turned out that she wasn’t obeying his vocal commands, but his mental ones. He could say the words “do a backflip” until his lips turned blue, but if the words didn’t have any meaning behind them, if he wasn’t picturing what he wanted her to do, then they would amount to nothing. So in other words, he and Himawari shared a telepathic connection. 

Which was ridiculously cool, in Hide’s opinion. 

He initially tested this by using English. First, he requested that she sat down in Japanese. When she did so, he told her to stand back up in English. Which she did. Hide then took it a step further and ordered her to go to the kitchen without opening his mouth at all. 

It had been a success. 

Himawari brought Hide a plethora of new opportunities in his search for Kaneki. Even more so if he managed to extend their time together, like he hoped. He hummed, shifting some papers aside at his desk.

He hadn’t dared to write down any of the research he’d done with Himawari, out of fear of incriminating himself. The only thing he did catalogue was the time he was able to hold her around for, which he disguised as an exercise regimen. Despite the lack of other concrete records, he’d been making a lot of progress. 

He rested his head against his hands and smoothed out the skin around his eyes. 

There was an area, however, he’d completely been neglecting. 

Being an Ajin meant that he was immortal; Himawari was just kind of an awesome bonus. As it stood however, Hide was far closer to understanding her limitations than his own. He knew that he needed to know more, but… he was scared. 

Dying had hurt, a lot. Even more than that though, the emotions he’d felt at the time of his death… Hide dragged his hand down his face with a ragged sigh. He’d never hated himself as much as he had in that moment. 

You’re too late. 

There were scarier things, he told himself, weren’t there? Hide hated himself for dying, but he didn’t think he was wrong to assume that he’d hate himself a lot more if the time came when Kaneki needed him and he wasn’t there, sheerly because he’d been too scared. 

He laughed, low, in the quiet of his room. The true mark of a coward was that they tricked themselves into doing something frightening by imagining something even worse. 

Coward or not, his resolve began to settle. 

He hadn’t been experimenting with the death part of what he was because he had told himself it wasn’t necessary; that he wouldn’t recklessly put himself into a situation like that again. Looking back, those excuses were flimsy at best. No one could say for sure what would happen next, and Hide felt shame prickle his neck for believing, however briefly, that he of all people could. 

You’re too late 

The words pinged against his mind like a bumblebee against glass. 

Hide would do whatever it took to find Kaneki and keep him safe. His hands tightened around loose paper, making them crumple in his grip. 

Whatever it took. 

X

Deciding how to die was the simplest part. 

He had to be discreet, and to do that it was absolutely imperative that he died out of sight of others. So that anything that required a public space. Little to no clean-up would be nice too; he didn’t want to leave any evidence behind. So anything with a lot of blood was out. He considered pills for a few minutes, but eventually discarded the idea as unreliable. It might take hours for him to die, or it might even just put him in a coma.

No, he needed something subtle, clean, and fast. Hide remembered reading somewhere that hanging had been a popular form of execution in the past because of its relatively easy set-up, and for the fact that it was fast. 

Humans couldn’t survive more than five minutes without oxygen. Five minutes wasn’t so bad. 

He looked up. 

An exposed ceiling beam ran crosswise across his ceiling. Hide stored some of his comic books up there. When he thought about it, he knew he had some rope from when he’d moved his bike into the apartment, too. 

Googling ‘how to tie a noose’ brought up a suicide prevention hotline. It made him pause, just briefly, before he wrenched his eyes away. He wasn’t killing himself, at least not in any way that mattered. 

His breath came short when he went to his closet and dug through its contents to find the length of neon green rope he’d known was in there. 

You’re too late. 

Tying it took a few tries, but he got it right soon enough. Then he cleared the area around the beam, both on top and underneath. He could reach the beam okay from his bed, but the point was to not be able to touch the ground, so he moved the rope until it hovered over the open space between his bed and desk. 

He’d stand on the chair, he thought, swallowing hard. He was supposed to kick it over, right? He’d seen that in a movie somewhere. Hide took a pillow from his bed and put it by the chair, angling it so it would soften the chair’s impact when he kicked it over.

Next… he needed a way to cut the rope. He didn’t fancy the idea of flailing around his bedroom until he somehow managed to slip from the knot. A kitchen knife would have to do; he angled it in the back pocket of his pyjamas. 

His apartment was quiet. The only light parting his curtains came from the dull-yellow street lamps below. Hide stood atop the chair and pulled the noose around his head, tightening it so that the knot hugged the back of his neck. There was no give in the rope. 

This was nothing, he told himself, as he kicked the chair away. 

He found that five minutes was a long time to stand at death’s door. But he’d stay as long as was needed, he’d face whatever was needed, if it meant that Kaneki wouldn’t know the touch of death’s hand the way Hide did. 

X

Hide couldn’t be sure of how many times he died before he managed to call Himawari to get him down. He’d dropped the knife at some point in his earlier struggles, which was just as well because he doubted he would have had the coordination to cut through the rope anyway. 

He made the discovery that the distraction of imminent death was enough to keep him from taking over Himawari’s body, which he’d have to ponder on later. Either way, Himawari waited patiently at Hide’s order for the split second between when his heart stopped and he began to revive. Then, she cut him down. 

Which led to Hide waking on the floor, gasping for a breath that came easily, and wiping off old blood from around his eyes. 

Death by hanging... was actually quite messy. At least he knew that he was an Ajin for sure now, if there had ever been any doubt. 

The blood on his face smeared. It didn’t feel like it belonged to him. 

X

Hair clipped back, Hide leaned across his bathroom sink and examined the skin under his eyes. He’d truly outdone himself this time. The dark circles had completely disappeared, and the make up was pretty subtle overall. There may have been a bit of an artificial shimmer, but honestly, Hide was digging it. 

It was a rare day where Hide had nowhere to be and no plans to meet anyone. It was well and truly his, and he’d woken up early to ensure he’d make the most of it. He had some ambitious experiments planned for the morning, and if those went well, he hoped to be able to do some more hands-on investigating in the afternoon. 

That was the plan, anyway. Hide caught sight of eyes as dark as spoiled meat in the mirror, and he winked at them before leaving. 

X

“Stop.” Hide called, rolling over onto his stomach. Far above him, Himawari clicked the appropriate button on the stopwatch. 

Scrambling to his feet, he trudged back up the steep path to where his ghostly companion waited. 

“Time?” Himawari shifted to show him the watch, and Hide committed the number to memory. 

“12.6, Himawari. Help me remember that.” 

“Twelve point six” She dutifully intoned. 

“Alright, do we have time for one more?” He wiped a bit of blood off the surface of his watch and peered down the cliff face. “We should.” He concluded. “Reset.” 

“Reset” 

Hide crouched low, bracing his bare feet against the hard and packed earth. One, two, three - one moment the feeling of weightlessness left him giddy, the next he was falling , branches whipping past his eyes, the ground below rushing up to meet him - 

“Stop!” Hide shifted to his hands and knees, shaking blood away from where it was dripping into his eyes. That one hadn’t been as clean as the last. He’d died from blunt force trauma to the head, most likely, rather than the snapped neck he’d been aiming for. 

“The angle of my entry was bad.” He explained, reaching the spot where Himawari was stationed as look-out. “What’s my time? 22.1. Okay, that’s not ideal, but it could have been worse.” 

“Twelve point six.” 

“Hm? Oh, right, thanks Himawari.” 

“You just gotta hang on, okay?” 

Hide blinked, turning away to face her. “What…?” 

“Hide…” Himawari began to disintegrate. Hide absently clicked ‘stop’ on his wrist watch. 

He was alone on the cliff. You just gotta hang on? When had Hide said that? Well, nevermind. It wasn’t like he kept a record of everything he’d ever said to Himawari. 

“Eleven minutes and forty two seconds.” As he’d hoped, the amount of time Himawari was able to stay was slowly but surely getting longer. Before his second death, there had been an increase of two seconds a week, but after that, it had jumped up to eleven minutes, and Hide was expecting it to reach twelve any day now. 

The more he died, the stronger the black stuff got. Or that was the theory, at least. Hide hurried to clean the rest of the blood off his person. Now that Himawari wasn’t here, there was no one to serve as look-out if anyone else came. 

Fortunately for him, it was doubtful that anyone would. The cliff was a few hundred meters off the road and out of sight of passing cars. Hide had discovered the place a few years back, when a delivery job that brought him up here had taken him longer than expected, and he’d needed a discreet place to relieve himself. 

Yep, he thought, it was all thanks to the fact that he’d peed off the side of a cliff once that he now knew where to find a good one to jump off of. Life was funny sometimes. 

‘Cliff diving’ as he’d taken to calling it in his head, was one of the messier methods of death he’d employed so far, but it was also the least painful. He was dead before he even had time to process the pain, which was quite nice. Except for that one time when he hit the ground legs-first. No, he wouldn’t repeat that mistake anytime soon. 

After a few days of trying out the hanging method, Hide had come to the conclusion that it wasn’t suited to his needs. First of all, it just plain sucked. It took too long, the bleeding from the eyes and ears was gross, and whatever data he managed to gather on the time it took him to revive was unreliable at best. Himawari wasn’t capable of judging when he’d died well enough to be able to accurately time it. 

Telling her “click this button when I hit the ground,” was so much easier. 

It was cliff diving that had also led him to investigate what sort of injuries dying healed. When his jump-gone-wrong had left him alive but with two shattered legs and god knew what else, Himawari slashing his throat had healed him of all his injuries. On the other end of the spectrum, he’d woken up with a crick in his neck two days ago, and it still kind of hurt now, even when he’d literally just broken that same neck a few minutes ago. 

Resetting might only heal fresh or debilitating injuries. He couldn’t be sure yet. 

A car sped past, and Hide shook himself out of his thoughts. Right, he had places to be and things to see. He finished cleaning up, and looked down the side of the cliff one last time. There were half a dozen red smears down below, but from this high up they just looked like random discolorations on the rocks. 

Hide retrieved his new bike from where he’d stashed it near the road and pulled on a gleaming orange helmet. If there was one thing that he’d learned from cliff-diving, it was that a human head was much more fragile than people realized. 

X

Anteiku had closed for two days after Kaneki had disappeared. On the first day, when Hide had yet to fully realize that something truly bad had happened, he’d gone there with the intent of cornering Kaneki, whom he thought had been ignoring his texts, only to find the shop closed and one of the upper-floor windows busted in. He’d come back the next day to find it still closed but with said window repaired, and his worry built up into a fine, humming dread. 

On the third day Hide walked into Anteiku, half-praying to find his friend with a mouthful of lies and a new collection of bruises. Instead, he’d found Kirishima.

Kirishima, Touka-chan, hadn’t needed to say anything. 

Hide had looked, and though nothing was said, he heard it all. 

“He’s not here.” Said the glassy reflection of her eyes. 

“I don’t know where he is.” Said the slashing purple and blue across her face. 

“Leave.” Said the snarling shape of her mouth. 

Quieter, the cut of her nails against the broom whispered “He’s not here to protect you anymore.” 

Hide had turned around, and he hadn’t been back since. 

What could be accomplished from going now? 

He leaned against the bike rack and looked up at the coffee shop from across the street. He wanted to barge in there right now, and demand that they tell him what they knew, because they had to know something.

It wasn’t like they could kill him. 

But no, that was the thing, wasn’t it? True, they couldn’t cause him any permanent harm, but they could hurt him. They were ghouls and he was a walking all you could eat buffet. 

Ghouls were stronger and faster than he was, and that was simply a fact. Being an Ajin hadn’t given him any leg up in the athletics department that he didn’t already have. He had Himawari, but when it came to a group like Anteiku, they also had numbers on their side. A loss was really the only outcome if a fight broke out. 

Hide was impatient to find Kaneki again, but putting himself in a worse situation wouldn’t help anyone. He sighed, looking down at his scuffed-up shoes. 

Recklessness had led to him dying at the hands of a ghoul once, and he’d been given the opportunity to learn from that mistake. 

So he’d better learn from it. 

Hide turned away from Anteiku once again. He felt like a coward for doing it, but he also recognized it was the smartest thing. 

The ghoulish staff of the cafe knew something though, Hide was sure of it. He was also sure that they would be less than willing to share with him. Therefore, he needed a plan. Information, an entry-point, anything. 

A little further down the street, a woman with short hair loaded pizzas on the back of a motorcycle. The movement of her keys attracted his eyes. They were loaded down with all sorts of charms, but one in particular stood out. It was black, and cylindrical, and about the length of a cell phone. 

Hide’s eyes widened. Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? 

“Excuse me!” Hide caught the delivery girl’s attention. “Um. Your charm. That’s pepper spray, right?” 

“Yep. Why? Wanna test it out?” 

“No, that’s okay. I was wondering though, where did you buy it?” 

She shrugged. “Internet. I bought ‘em in bulk.” 

“That’s brilliant!” Hide was sure that if his grin stretched any wider it’d fall off his face. “Thank you so much!” He turned and ran back to his bike without waiting to hear her reply. This was exactly what he needed to progress to the next level in his investigations. 

Himawari aside, what did he have that could even remotely be used as a weapon against ghouls? He’d used food before, against whats-his-face with Kami’s Paranormal Investigators Club, but against the ghoul that killed him a small packet of sauce had been less than useless. A ghoul’s skin was too tough for normal knives and bullets, which is why investigators used quinques, but it wasn’t like guns and bladed weapons were the end-all of human weaponry. 

There were things like pepper-spray, which targeted the eyes. They incapacitated but didn’t maim, and they didn’t have to break skin to do it. A whole new realm of possibilities was opening up before Hide. Tasers used electrical currents to nullify targets; Hide wasn’t sure if they would work on ghouls but he may as well give it a try. 

Hide didn’t need the power to kill ghouls, he just needed something to help him get away if he was ever caught without Himawari to back him up. 

X

Pepper spray was easy enough to find online, but tasers were a bit more expensive and hard to come by. Which was fine, because the internet provided him with an even better option. Hide purchased a dozen things of portable pepper spray cans and then printed off some step-by-step directions on how to build your own taser. Out of a disposable camera, of all things. He sighed happily. The internet was a glorious thing. 

The pepper spray would arrive within the next few days, but Hide was honestly much more excited about making his own tasers. According to the website, they were capable of releasing 500 volts of electricity on contact. Which was enough to send a full grown human into cardiac arrest, apparently. However, Hide had no idea how a ghoul would react, or if it would even hurt them at all. He decided to do some digging at work the next time he got an opportunity. 

If 500 volts wasn’t enough, he could probably up the dosage quite a bit. Thank god for those two months he’d spent in the technology club in high school, he thought, looking over the design with a critical eye. 

Two months working with the tech-savvy and budding inventors at his high school had been all Hide needed to pick up the basic tools of the trade. Next to building a tracking device small enough to fit on the bottom of a shoe, a taser was child’s play. 

Still, he had to figure out what voltage to build them for. Avoiding actually killing anyone was ideal, of course. He wasn’t keen on murder, especially if he accidentally killed a ghoul that happened to be an ally of Kaneki’s or something. 

That would not be a fun way to reintroduce himself into his friend’s life. 

He wished that his mother was around… she would have answers, he was pretty certain. 

Well, he’d figure it out. For now, he sketched out a modified version with the disposable camera design working as the base. If he added an extra panel there he could adjust the voltage output as needed...

X

A week or so and three electrically-induced cardiac-related deaths later, Hide stood by a magazine kiosk and sipped at a strawberry banana smoothie. The magazine in hand read PARANORMAL MONTHLY in bold, bright red lettering. 

The issue featured a five page spread about a woman who divorced her husband for the ghost of his brother, a theoretical essay on where the human and ningen evolutionary paths could have diverged, a government conspiracy that stated ghouls originated from genetically-modified vampires, and then what basically amounted to a slenderman sighting. The article on ningen was admittedly interesting, but what had caught his eye was actually the slenderman bit. 

There was a photo accompanying the article, but he dismissed the generic image in favor for the physical description, which brought a different picture to mind. The eyewitness described the figure as tall and skeletal, with a featureless face and wearing all black. At the sight of the creature, the victim claimed to have been struck with a fear so intense that they were rendered unable to move. The slenderman had approached them, but then apparently disappeared in “a cloud of black dust” before anything else could occur. 

He slurped the last of his smoothie up the straw. 

Thousands of people died everyday, right? It wasn’t so surprising that there would be other Ajin in Tokyo, if he thought about it from that angle. He took note of the location of the supposed sighting, and then folded the magazine into his bag. Finding another Ajin would be pretty cool. He could look into it later. 

It was interesting that a seemingly normal person had seen the Ajin’s monster, assuming that it did indeed come from an Ajin. The witness might have been the Ajin themselves, he supposed, although in that case it was weird that they’d report it. Maybe they didn’t know that the monster belonged to them? Or perhaps people could see Ajin’s monsters sometimes. 

There’d been once or twice when experimenting with Himawari that someone had jumped and turned towards her, only to shake it off a moment later. He’d assumed that they’d heard Himawari say something, or maybe even just sensed her presence, but there was the possibility that they momentarily caught a glimpse of her as well. 

On a whim, Hide tapped at his wrist watch and set a timer. Himawari materialized quietly beside him. Though he kept his gaze forward, Hide’s eyes shifted constantly as they walked, taking in people’s expressions and reactions, if there were any. No one looked at him, and no one seemed to notice his silent shadow, either. 

He’d been wandering towards the 20th ward’s branch office for awhile now, having left very early for his shift, and he idly wondered if anything interesting would happen if Himawari were to follow him inside. 

She might set off the alarms. Or maybe Suzuya would see her somehow, and try and stab Hide again. Perhaps Mado’s notorious intuition would give him away. 

Hm. 

The itch at the center of his back had returned, and Hide labeled it ‘impatience’. Nearly six months had passed since Kaneki’s disappearance, and while things had been progressing well on the Ajin side of his research, his main focus was proving stagnant. It was as if all of Tokyo had gone under radio silence after the Aogiri raid. He wanted to take his search for Kaneki up a notch, but he just wasn’t sure how. 

Once he figured out what voltage to put his tasers at, he’d take to the streets, he decided. Hide had even located a small mask vendor that sometimes appeared in the fourth ward, so he could disguise himself as a ghoul if need be. 

“What are you? A little bunny?” 

Hide jumped, quickly turning to gawk at Himawari. When in the world had he said that in front of her?

Himawari wasn’t paying him any attention, however. She wandered down a small alley between a restaurant and a post office and quickly disappeared from sight. Hide casted a quick glance around before hurrying to follow. 

“Himawari!” He whisper-yelled. “Where did you go?” 

“A little bunny?” She hadn’t made it far. Hide found her just off the main alley, crouched down. A calico cat stood a little ways off, eyeing Himawari with interest.

Hide watched, struck, as his monster slowly presented a clawed hand to the cat. The calico approached, tail flicking, before butting its head into Himawari’s offered hand. 

Himawari patted the cat gently, smoothing its fur down to its tail. The tiny alley was soon filled with the sound of loud purring. 

“You…” Hide blinked, struggling to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. He stepped forward to place a hand on Himawari’s shoulder. “You’re really something else, aren’t you, Himawari?” 

She turned her face upward to look at him. 

“Little bunny…” 

Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound softer, and less like a recording than it had before?

“It’s a cat.” He corrected, crouching down beside her. “A kitty.” He offered his own hand to the small animal, but was ignored in favor of his larger companion. “She’s cute, huh?” 

“Cute…” 

Hide stayed in the small alleyway with Himawari and the cat until the former’s time limit was up, just past twelve minutes. Once more alone, he made his way back to the main road and continued on to the CCG in a bit of a daze. 

This whole time, Hide had been thinking of Himawari as if she was simply an extension of himself. Like an extra limb or a complex tool. Sure, he talked to her while she was around, but he’d deducted early on that she didn’t really understand him. 

Now, however… Hide took a deep breath. It looked like she might be learning to.

X

“Good morning Takizawa-san!” 

“It’s lunch time.” The young investigator grumbled, shifting so that Hide could sit down next to him. “The curry again, Nagachika?” 

“It’s the best!” After the revelation with Himawari that morning, Hide’s mind had been a whirlwind amidst all his usual errands. Some of the CCG’s excellent curry was a much-needed pick-me-up. Seeing Takizawa after he’d been gone for awhile with various investigations was nice, too. 

“Say, Takizawa-san, something funny occurred to me the other day.” 

“Uh oh. That sounds dangerous.” 

“Psh lay off it! Anyway, I was unlocking my bike near campus, and I saw this really cute pizza delivery girl - she had a bob, I think short hair is super adorable - so yeah she was on a motorcycle and I noticed that she had, like a zillion charms on her keys, and then I noticed that she had some pepper spray, and it got me thinking about ghouls.” 

Takizawa’s eyebrows had been slowly raising throughout Hide’s monologue, and now his face took on a pinched look. “I’m not sure I want to know why some girl’s charms made you think of ghouls…” 

“Not the charms, specifically,” Hide gestured dismissively, “but the pepper spray. Do you know if pepper spray works against ghouls, Takizawa-san? Because ghouls have really tough skin so that’s why you guys use those funny briefcases, right? But what about other types of weapons?” 

“Uh…” Takizawa hesitated for a brief moment, and Hide could tell that he was debating something. “Theoretically…” he began, “things like pepper spray would work to a degree. It’s not really advertised though, because the best they do is slow a ghoul down, and things like that tend to give people a dangerous false sense of security.” 

“Oh really? I hadn’t thought of it like that!” 

Takizawa relaxed, and fell into what Hide had dubbed as his ‘lecture-mode’. He could make a great teacher someday. It was just too bad that he wholeheartedly believed the drivel that the academy had spoon-fed him. Pepper spray would probably give people a false sense of security around ghouls, but it could also save lives. Hide couldn’t begin to calculate the difference it would make if normal citizens had some way to protect themselves. 

The CCG wasn’t all that interested in educating and protecting humans as they pretended. But that was nothing new. 

“So then what about tasers? Have investigators ever used them before?” 

“Actually, yes. They were used briefly in the late seventies and early eighties, but they fell out of use with the practical development of quinques. Electricity is about as effective against ghouls as it is against humans, but tasers deploy too slow to trap a ghoul with any reliability, and the hand-held kind forces the user to get in close range, which is a lethal mistake for all but the fastest of investigators.” 

“Wow it seems like the CCG really has thought of everything, huh? I guess that’s to be expected though!” Hide took a spoonful of the curry, his thoughts turning towards the growing collection of tasers in his apartment. 

They fell into a short moment of comfortable silence, until Hide became aware of the intense gaze Takizawa was directing at his plate. 

“Hey, let me try some of your curry.” 

“Eh? No way!” 

X

“Nagachika-kun .” 

“Hm?” Hide looked up from where he was loitering at the water dispenser. He only had twenty minutes or so left in his shift, and he really was looking forward to going home and tinkering with all the new ideas he’d gotten today.

“Ruisawa-san is looking for you. I’d hurry.” 

“Oh! Thanks for letting me know!” He bit back the tickle of exasperation at the base of his throat. Ruisawa had released him for a well-deserved break only five minutes ago… well, justice never sleeps, he thought. Who had said that again? Batman? Megamind? 

He failed to come up with the answer while jogging across the bureau headquarters to find Ruisawa. 

“There you are!” His boss descended upon him the way a starving vulture would descend upon some poor, dehydrated hiker. That is, with entirely too much gusto and a lot of flapping. 

She yanked the hat off his head and began fighting to push his hair back. 

“Ow! What? What is it?” 

“Nagachika!” She looked harried, her ever-present smile looking nothing short of maniacal as she grasped his head and yanked it down to her level. “I thought I told you to get a haircut! What is this - your roots have grown out and your hair is a rat’s nest!” 

“You didn’t tell me to cut my hair!” Hide protested, unable to do much of anything else. 

“Well you should have known to, anyway! You look like a ragamuffin! Oh, the special class investigator is going to think that I employ bums!” 

“H-hey!” 

Ruisawa then moved onto his collar, attempting to force it flat by rolling her knuckles against the fabric, a bit like a rolling pin. It hurt slightly, but compared to dying from an electric shock of over 700 volts, as he had the day before, it didn’t seem so bad. So he settled in to wait out her insanity. 

“Oh no!” She gasped, “you’ve kept Marude-san waiting! Hurry!” Hide was shoved away as quickly as he’d been ushered in. “Go, go, go!” 

“Where am I going?!” 

“Special Class Investigator Marude has requested to speak with you! Personally! Oh, this has never happened before! Did you do something?! Nevermind, just go! Go!” 

“Alright, I’m going, I’m going!” 

Once he’d escaped Ruisawa’s grasp, Hide took a moment to think the sudden events over. If the Head of Investigations was summoning him, personally, then he doubted it meant anything good. 

Could he know? 

Hide had been careful, but he wasn’t omniscient. Someone could have found his blood in the woods, and though it seemed unrealistic for it to have been traced back to him, it wasn’t impossible. Or maybe there was footage he’d overlooked from his initial death? 

Then again, someone may have just noticed him snooping around classified information a little too much. 

There were countless possibilities, really. 

He could still call Himawari up one more time today, and if worse came to worst, Hide recalled that Marude’s office had a large window in it. They were six floors up, which would be enough to kill him on impact if he fell right. Standing in front of the Investigator's office door, Hide reassured himself that he was at least as prepared for the unknown as he could be. 

He knocked on the panelled door. “Um, hello! Did you summon me, Investigator Marude?” 

“Oh yes, come in.” Marude was seated behind his desk, looking unbothered, and Hide recognized Investigator Mabuchi standing at his shoulder. “Nagachika Hideyoshi, part-timer here and student of the international department at Kamii University, is that correct?”

“Um, that’s right… Did I… do something wrong?” 

“That’s what we’re here to find out.”

Well, that wasn’t intimidating at all. 

Marude began subtly hedging him for information, and Hide realized what it was probably about when he dropped Aogiri-Tree’s name. Some part of him wanted to laugh. After all that had happened, he’d nearly forgotten that he’d been the one to discover the ghoul organization’s location. 

“Yes.” Hide confirmed, after explaining why he knew Aogiri’s name. “I was the anonymous tipper.” 

“It’s my hobby.” He continued, “to play ‘detective’” It wasn’t hard to look embarrassed, because he was embarrassed. When he thought about it now, trailing after what had probably been a high-ranking Aogiri ghoul… he was really lucky he hadn’t died. 

(Ignoring the fact that he had only survived to be killed by a different Aogiri member later on.) 

Hide proceeded to explain how he’d come across Aogiri’s group in the eleventh ward. He never outright lied, but he bent the truth as much as he dared. Marude’s face remained impassive throughout, and although Hide had no idea what he was thinking, he wasn’t all that surprised when he summoned Investigators Amon and Mado into the room. 

Hide understood how the CCG operated, at least on a basic level. And to Marude, finding someone like him, who was apparently bold and brilliant (or perhaps arrogant and stupid) enough to track ghouls and actually accomplish something… 

Hide wouldn’t let someone like that stray too far, either. 

“From today on, you’ll be an investigative assistant.” Marude announced. 

To which Hide could only reply: “Will I get a raise, too?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumped around a lot, but I hope it was easy enough to follow. 
> 
> Next time... another Ajin will appear! Any guesses as to who?


	4. Discouragements

Hide liked the way he fit into Amon and Mado’s partnership. 

After his short squabble with Marude about whether or not he should get a raise, he’d found himself leading the pair to a restaurant not far from the bureau office. 

At first glance, one would think Mado and Amon didn’t like each other all that much. Mado enjoyed pushing Amon’s buttons, and for his part Amon was constantly berating Mado for her ever-present flippant attitude. As he continued to observe them, though, Hide confirmed his suspicions that there was more to it. 

Amon’s general huge-ness (jeez he was buff - Hide felt like a shrimp just being in his general vicinity) forced him to sit facing the wall of the restaurant, with the exit at his back. Hide noted the way he kept the rest of the patrons in his peripherals, at least until Mado sat on the other side, with a full view of the entire restaurant. From there, his shoulders relaxed, and he started fiddling with the disposable chopsticks. 

Under the table, Mado kicked off her heels, and Hide pretended not to notice that Amon was pretending to not notice. 

Beneath all the bickering, there was a lot of trust and mutual respect. Hide hadn’t had any time to stop and worry about how he’d fit into their dynamic, with how sudden everything was, but even if he had it wouldn’t have mattered. They were apparently confident enough with their own partnership to not have to worry about the addition of another rocking the boat. 

They didn’t seem all that concerned with how Hide had ended up on their team, either, which seemed a bit counter-intuitive. If he was in their place, he would be bursting with questions. But perhaps he shouldn’t jump to conclusions so quickly, he rectified, glancing over just in time to see Mado’s eyes slide from his face. 

...It may have just been that they were simply patient. 

They didn’t go over much in the way of investigations or Hide’s new position on their team during the meal, instead taking the opportunity to share a bit about themselves. 

Hide told them about his studies at the university, and his work in the planning committee. It was a bit dishonest, but he didn’t tell them that that position fell into the ‘former’ category. He hadn’t been to a meeting in months, but he knew it would look weird if he told them he did nothing but study and work. 

Mado explained up front that she was a die-hard cat person, and proceeded to name all of her cat’s good points. Apparently, ‘Maris Stella’ had more sense than most of her coworkers combined. She didn’t name any names, but Hide observed a bone-weary irritation settle onto Amon’s features. 

When it was his turn, Amon didn’t have much to say except that he considered working out to be his hobby. 

Mado turned towards Hide. “He’s just as much of a gorilla as you’d expect looking at him,” she said, deadpan. 

Hide laughed. “I think it’s admirable!” He said. “It’s easy to see that you are both very dedicated to your jobs, and as one of the citizens who you protect, I find it very reassuring!” 

“Enjoy that citizen-status now while you still have it, Nagachika-kun,” Mado advised. “If Investigator Marude has set his sights on you, then you might find yourself a fully fledged investigator before you know it.” 

“You are well on your way.” Amon agreed. His cheeks were still a bit pink from Mado’s earlier comment. 

“Ehhh, I dunno about that.” Hide rubbed the back of his head. “I’m a bit of a coward, you see. I don’t really think that I have what it takes…” 

“We won’t discard your feelings, but it just might be that that is now our job to find out.” Amon said. 

“Cheers to that.” Mado lifted up her glass and clinked it against Amon’s. Their expressions mirrored each other in severity. 

“I guess that means that I’ll be in your care then.” 

X

The next few days passed fairly quickly, with Hide racking up more work hours than he ever had previously. It was good for his wallet, and not-so-good for his free time, but he didn’t mind it in the least. 

Aside from working with Himawari everyday, his ajin-based experiments had more or less stuttered to a dead-end. He knew what to expect from some of the more common ways of dying, and how long it took him to revive, and that was going to have to be good enough for now. Perhaps in the future he’d come up with more questions his experiments could provide answers to, but for now, he was thrilled to be able to throw himself into ghoul investigations. 

Hide now had all sorts of access to previously classified information, armed with his new assistant Investigator status as he was. Whenever he wasn’t studying for finals or actively running errands for Mado and Amon, he was pouring over paperwork and files, learning all that he could about ghouls and how investigators did their work. 

It was really fascinating stuff. 

Not quite a week after entering into his new position, Hide was waiting to pick up lunch for his team at a local restaurant. In the meantime, he scrolled through the files on rabbit and absently chewed on the inside of his cheek. He probably wasn’t supposed to download the files onto his phone, but no one had specifically told him not to, so whatever. 

His order was called, and Hide snapped a quick picture of the take out boxes before he picked them up. 

Lunch for the bosses! He texted. They’re working me to the bone! 

A ‘not delivered’ exclamation point appeared after the messages, and Hide put his phone away, shoving the disappointment down before it had a chance to truly settle. 

X

“Oh, is this for the rabbit case?” Lunch delivered, Hide peered over Amon’s shoulder at the computer screen. Video footage hadn’t been included in the file he’d downloaded. 

On screen, a blurry figure wearing a creepy black mask shaped to look like a rabbit’s face lingered in the center. Two men in investigator’s uniforms lay at his feet. 

It was a testament to Hide’s self-control that he didn’t gasp or grind his teeth, but he wasn’t able to keep a slight grimace away from his mouth. He recognized that ghoul. 

“They didn’t even have time to activate their quinques.” Is what he said, his mouth twisting further. He was once again reminded of how lucky he was to have walked (or rather, ran) away from his meeting with that ghoul. 

“Black Rabbit is an ukaku type,” Amon grunted, his brows furrowed together. “So what do you think, Nagachika? Is this the same ghoul as the one that struck the 20th Ward?” 

Mado perked up from where she was leaning against the desk. They wanted to hear what he thought? He supposed this was their way of testing him. 

“Isn’t that a little unfair, Amon-san? I mean you can just check the kagune secretions at the scene right?” Hide moved away from the computer screen and went to stand in front of the whiteboard. “Although if I were to say, then no, I don’t think they’re the same ghoul.” 

He ignored the eyes fixed on his back and continued. “The Rabbit from the 20th Ward struck right after the ‘Daughter’ incident. I remember following that story pretty closely when it happened, and at the time I thought that the Rabbit might have been an avenger of sorts.” 

“An avenger?” Mado prompted. 

“Mm. I thought that maybe the Rabbit and the Daughter had some sort of unknown connection, and so Rabbit was avenging the mother’s death in the daughter’s stead, or something like that. Rabbit had a motive. Whereas in the seventh ward, the Black Rabbit doesn’t seem to have much of a motive at all.” 

“Nagachika-kun.” 

Hide looked over his shoulder, Mado’s gaze uncomfortably intense. 

“I’ve been thinking this for awhile,” she continued, “but you seem to know an awful lot about ghouls, don’t you?” 

“Wouldn’t it be weirder if I didn’t?” He said, smiling innocently, “they’re on the news so much, I think it’s harder not to pick some stuff up.” 

Did that count as a slip, he wondered? It was true that Hide likely knew more about ghouls than the average person, but he hadn’t thought it was that noticeable. A lot of what he’d learned truly was just from observation. Then again, he knew several ghouls on a personal basis (although they weren’t aware that he knew) and he’d disguised himself as one multiple times. Maybe he did know an unusual amount, after all. 

Now that he was thinking about it, he hadn’t seen Ikuma in a few weeks. Hopefully he was doing okay. 

“Hello everyone! I can see you’ve all been working hard.” Shinohara entered the room, Suzuya at his elbow. The younger of the two shied away from Hide as he always did, avoiding eye contact. Hide had yet to figure out if he was still embarrassed over their first encounter weeks ago, or if he disliked Hide for some other reason. Whatever the reason was, Hide didn’t see the pair around much, even though they were technically working together on a few cases. This therefore was unlikely to be a social visit.

“I believe that I’ve gained a lead on the Binge Eater case.” Shinohara announced, inspiring a startled gasp from Amon. 

“Really?” 

“Yes. I’ve been scouring newspapers and reports starting from the last known attack, and I’ve finally found something. Last October an incident occurred involving a woman struck and killed by falling I-beams, right around when the attacks ended.” 

“Oh, I remember that. You’re talking about the incident where the doctor transplanted the woman’s organs into another victim without her family’s permission, right?” Amon had gained a speculative look on his face, and Hide could practically see his thoughts racing to Shinohara’s conclusion. 

“That’s right. But more importantly than that, I discovered that the doctor, Kanou was his name, was a former CCG coroner.” 

Mado made an interested noise in the back of her throat, not too unlike a cat. “A CCG coroner…” 

“Furthermore, he’s currently missing. As is the boy who received the transplant, a student at Kamii University named Kaneki Ken. I think… that all of these facts on their own don’t seem too suspicious, but when they come together, it’s all too much to be a coincidence.” 

“‘You’re think there’s a possibility that the woman was the binge eater.” Mado jumped straight to the point, and Hide was unable to tear his gaze from the expression on her face. 

“Kaneki Ken fits the binge eater’s MO as well.” Shinohara added. 

“We’ll look into it.” Amon announced. “We can contact the staff at the hospital Kanou worked at, and perhaps go to Kamii to…” 

“Um,” Better sooner rather than later, Hide reasoned, and spoke up. “That student, Kaneki Ken, I know him.” Unbidden, the hush of black sand summoned Himawari. 

“Actually…” He looked up to meet the eyes of the investigators. “He’s my best friend.” 

The judgement didn’t come all at once.

“Oh, is he?” Amon asked. “That makes things… easier, I suppose.” 

Suzuya peered out from behind Shinohara’s large frame for a moment, before ducking back again. Mado’s eyes were steady, and from behind her lips, she ran her tongue across her teeth. 

“Although, uh.” Amon continued, “I don’t mean to say that it’s convenient he’s missing, just that it happens to be your best friend that’s missing. Wait. No. That was rude, I should just - I apologize - ”

Hide took pity on him. “That’s okay, Amon-san, I understand what you were trying to say. Now we don’t have to make the trip out to Kamii, right?” 

“Um, yes. That’s what I meant.” 

“Convenience aside,” Mado all but purred, “another coincidence has been added to the list, wouldn’t you say? How amazing that our newest addition to the team would just so happen to know a person of interest in our case.” 

Hide allowed himself a small sigh, and Himawari placed a hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t a warm presence, but it was a solid one. 

“We should move quickly,” Shinohara rumbled. “Nagachika-kun, would you be able to answer a few of our questions?”

“Yeah, no problem. I can’t tell you anything more than I already told the police when I filled out the missing persons report, but I’ll do my best.” 

They didn’t ask him much, in the end. Shinohara asked if he’d been in contact with him in the six months he’d been absent from school, when he’d last seen him, and if Ken had any other friends or family who might know more. 

“Kaneki’s never been a social guy, and he didn’t get along with any of his living relatives either…” Hide couldn’t see a way around being truthful. “You may want to check out his  
workplace though. Anteiku, it’s a coffee shop near the University.” 

“You think his coworkers might know more?” 

Hide spread his hands in a hopeless gesture. “I don’t know about his coworkers, but I’m afraid that you’ll find me to be more or less of an exhausted resource at this point. If I had any information that could find Kaneki, then the police would have had it for months. Sorry. I wish I could be of more help.” 

“That’s quite alright. Any help is useful. And anyhow, I’m afraid that it’s not your friend whom we’re looking for, but instead Dr. Kanou.” 

Hide nodded, but he knew that this was far from the end of it. Mado had already begun putting the inconsistencies together, and even if Amon and Shinohara hadn’t, they would soon enough. Hide wished that he hadn’t been forced to reveal his connection to Kaneki so soon, or at all, but this was completely out of his control. Who would have expected Shinohara to make the connection between Rize and the Binge Eater anyway? Hide had only been able to deduce it so swiftly because he’d already known that Rize was a ghoul. 

By freely admitting that he knew Kaneki he hoped that it would negate some of the damage to their trust, but he might not be that lucky. Hide wondered what he should say when they inevitably asked him if he’d known Kaneki had been turned into a ghoul. 

He decided he’d play it down. Not a lot, but just enough. He’d tell them that he only began having suspicions after Kaneki had disappeared, and that was when he’d started looking into things. That way, he couldn’t be charged with failing to report a ghoul. Besides, he could also say that there wasn’t any proof. 

“Just gotta hang on, okay? Hide?” 

Hide hummed in response. Thankfully, Himawari had spoken low enough so that he didn’t think anyone else could have heard. He could wait to freak out about her situation-accurate response later. 

Back to the situation at hand, Hide couldn’t accurately put it into words, but he felt like the urgent pace his life had set had just gone up another notch. Like someone somewhere had begun a countdown with an uncertain finale set in place. 

He leaned into Himawari slightly, seeking her comfort, as the investigators turned away to begin brainstorming. He’d been planning a lot of things on the side lately, and now, he thought, was the ideal time to set them into motion. 

X

The trains were no longer running by the time Hide was able to leave the bureau that night. Working overtime was the norm for the full-time investigators, and now that Hide had been somewhat accepted into their ranks, it was expected of him too. He was still getting accustomed to it. 

The CCG would apparently reimburse him for cab fares, so at least it had some perks. 

Though he was tired, Hide didn’t go to sleep straight away, and instead made a beeline for his desk. He promised himself he’d just outline some ideas for tomorrow, and then he’d sleep. 

For the next stage in his ‘plans’ (he hesitated to call them that because they were really more like vague ambitions) he was aiming to get some serious answers from the staff at Anteiku. 

At the top of a blank page on his desk, Hide wrote “Anteiku Staff” and then underlined it twice. It was best to start off with what he knew. 

First, he doodled a caricature with a scowling face and vampire-like fangs. That was Nishiki. After a moments of hesitation, he added a poop doodle on top of his head. There, now he had a cute hat. Next to the picture, Hide wrote “Senpai - likes his girlfriend, dislikes me, not sure about Kaneki.” 

After that he draws a picture of a girl with huge sparkly eyes. “Kirishima” he mumbles, “cute, a high schooler, saved me and Kaneki from stupid poop-head.” 

The next person he draws is the manager, and for him, all he comes up with is “he knows too much”. 

The other two employees at Anteiku, Irimi and Koma, get nothing but “??” next to their doodles. 

With what little information he had, he wouldn’t be able to rely on the manager or the two unknowns for any kind of predictable reaction. Nishiki… Hide thought he would sooner try and kill him again than help out, even if he and Ken had somehow made up at some point. 

Which only left Kirishima. The younger ghoul was a bit of an enigma herself. She had saved himself and Kaneki before, and while she hadn’t been exactly friendly with him, she hadn’t been hostile either. But when it came down to it, Kaneki had been more scared of her than he had been of Nishiki. Hide couldn’t be sure of what she’d done to make Kaneki nervous, and that made him nervous. The last time he’d seen her she hadn’t exactly been happy to see him, either. 

Still… he felt better about his chances negotiating with her than anyone else. 

Hide chewed on the inside of his cheek, deep in thought. Kirishima was a high school student, so it wasn’t like he could just approach her out of the blue. That would be creepy, and would undoubtedly put her on guard. He’d have to talk to her in Anteiku. It was a place where she felt comfortable, and Hide knew the surrounding area well enough that he thought he could bail if the situation took a turn for the worse. With Himawari’s help, of course. 

If he stopped by on a night when she was closing the shop, then most of the patrons would be gone, and they would be able to talk. Even if Nishiki or some of the other employees were there, Hide thought he might be able to get Kirishima to listen. 

At the very least, he could be sure in his certainty that Kirishima did care about Kaneki. That much was obvious. So if Hide approached her by saying that Kaneki was in trouble (he was) and that Hide knew how to help, (he did) he hoped that she would be willing to lend him an ear. And not kill him for admitting he knew she was a ghoul, or when she found out he worked for the CCG. Yeah, it would work out. He could dream, right? 

He decided to stop by when he next had some time off. Even if Kirishima wasn’t there, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to remind the rest of the staff of his existence. A lazy smile spread over Hide’s face, and he opened the top drawer of his desk to reveal a neat row of small electric tasers. 

Their design had grown more sophisticated these past few weeks. They were no longer so clunky and awkward as they had been when he’d been building them from disposable cameras. Once he’d gotten the basic idea of how they worked, he’d been able to start upgrading them bit by bit. The newest one - Hide lifted it up - was cylindrical in shape, and about the length of his hand from fingertip to wrist. Two silver prongs extended from the far end, and when he pressed a button within easy reach of his thumb, a band of electricity flashed between the two. He could set and reset the strength of the shock, but it took time, and he had to partially dismantle the device to do so. He could also easily shock himself with this taser, if he wished. Metal studs ran around the base, and all he had to do to release a lethal dose of electricity into his own system was slide his hand down and then press the button four times, rapidly. 

Hopefully, he’d never have any reason to use that feature, but he’d be ready just in case. 

Hide liked the design of this particular taser a lot, and was in the process of making a second one. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t daydreamed about wielding one in each hand like an absolute badass on multiple occasions. To really capitalize on the awesomeness of his fantasy he should definitely be decked out in all black, maybe with some steel-toed boots or something. Oh, and an awesome ghoul-mask too! Then he could swing from the rooftops and fight crime like he’d dreamed when he was a little kid… Himawari would be there, and Ken too, of course...

The image grew more vivid in his head, and he failed to realize that he was dozing off until his head slipped from his hand and fell unceremoniously, hitting the desk with a loud thump. 

“Ow!” He hissed, more out of habit than any real sense of pain. A small knot was forming in the center of his forehead, and Hide slowly felt it with the pad of his index finger as the images of a life fighting crime faded back into his subconsciousness. 

After a moment, they were gone. 

He groaned, abandoning the knot to rub at his eyes. “Guess that’s my body telling me to go to sleep already…” Rocking forward again, Hide prepared to stand up, but paused when his eye caught something on his desk. 

Shifting a few papers aside, he picked up the glossy magazine, the words PARANORMAL MONTHLY fading in and out of his tired vision. 

“Ugh.” Hide tossed the magazine back down. It was one more thing that would just have to wait until after he’d had a long, restful sleep. 

X

None of his plans ended up going anywhere until nearly two weeks later. Hide had been put to work at the CCG helping plan a raid into one of Kanou’s many properties, and that, along with the semester (finally) ending, he hadn't had any time to spare. 

He wouldn’t be attending the raid himself, which should have been obvious in hindsight, considering he barely ranked above an errand boy. At the time though, Hide had been surprised when he’d been told to take himself out of the equation, since he definitely wouldn’t be going. 

Shinohara had seemed confused, but praised his ‘misplaced’ enthusiasm, whereas Mado had seemed almost insulted that Hide assumed himself to be prepared for a possible battle scenario. Amon patted his shoulder and assured him that they would let him know if they discovered anything about Kaneki. 

Now all the paperwork and preparations were done, and his team was heading out. Depending on how things went, Hide had been given three days off, to allow for the raid to take place, and for his team to recover. That the time off would also allow for any sensitive information to be identified and concealed went unsaid, but Hide understood the intention all the same. 

So he had three days, and he planned to make the most of them. 

“Hello!” Sitting comfortably on a park bench with a phone in hand, Hide greeted the person on the other line with an added nasal-quality to his voice. “Is this the editor of Paranormal Monthly? Fantastic, fantastic, listen, my name is Nakamura Cain.” He said, dragging out the english name needlessly. “Perhaps you’ve heard of me? I run a rather popular occult blog…” 

It was approaching the nicer part of springtime in Japan, and there were groups of people wandering around the public park, though none of them paid him any mind. In just a few weeks the cherry blossoms would begin to bloom and a new term would begin at Kamii.

“Oh, wonderful. Well then you’ve probably noticed that I haven’t been updating recently, hm? Well I’ve run into a bit of a dry spot, inspirationally, but one of the articles you ran recently piqued my interest!” 

It seemed like the editor was a bit of a fan of Hide’s old friend Cain. How fortunate. Hopefully that would make things go a bit easier. “The article on Ningen was fascinating, yes, but I was actually referring to the supposed ‘slenderman’ sighting. Stories like that - an unknown figure, people being unable to move because of fright - well they really are the heart and soul of people’s interest in the occult wouldn’t you say? It’s hard not to be inspired by something like that! Yes, well I was hoping to hear a bit more about this story. Perhaps even do some research on my own! I’ll give credit to your magazine in my blog, of course…” 

The editor was even more cooperative than Hide had hoped, but she warned him that the witnesses to the event had been very adamant about retaining their anonymity. She could give them Hide’s contact information, but couldn’t really do anything besides. Hide was pleased, though. The most he’d been hoping for was to be able to talk to the author of the article, so a chance to talk to the actual witness was fantastic. Especially if the initial witness was an ajin, as he’d begun to suspect. 

He’d dedicated more research into it recently, and apart from a few sporadic and unconfirmed instances where someone would flinch away from Himawari’s location, no one had been able to see her at all. 

Hide had gone so far as to even will or order Himawari to be seen by others, but it hadn’t worked. The most logical conclusion was therefore that the witness was an ajin and either didn’t know it, or hadn’t recognized the monster as theirs. Of course, there was always the possibility that the article didn’t have anything to do with an ajin at all, and that the familiar description of ‘slenderman’ was just a coincidence, but Hide hoped not. 

If he met another ajin then they’d surely be able to compare notes, and maybe he’d even gain an ally! Who knows, perhaps ajin had other abilities that he had yet to uncover… 

Hide ended the conversation with the editor and tucked the phone into his pocket. Now he just had to wait and see if the witness would call. 

Feeling accomplished, he decided to head over to Anteiku. He wouldn’t be making any confrontations, he was just going to re-establish himself as a presence in the cafe. 

Though he did have his completed dual tasers in the pockets of his loose kapri’s, just to be safe.Considering that he’d been either hunted by an Anteiku employee or hunted in the vicinity of Anteiku a total of three times, though, it was actually more of just intelligent preparation than ‘just in case’. 

Hm. When Hide thought of it that way, and if he counted the time he planted that tracking bug onto one Aogiri’s members, as well as when he infiltrated their base, he’d actually survived way more encounters with ghouls than he hadn’t. He should have a little more faith in himself. All of those had been before he’d known he was an ajin, even! 

He’d made it to Anteiku, and, feeling confident, Hide didn’t hesitate before going inside. He’d arrived at the tail end of the morning rush hour, so he had to look around for a moment before spotting an empty table. 

Hide sat down, going unnoticed for the time being. There was a new waitress, he saw, but other than that it didn’t look like much had changed. Nishiki stood behind the counter taking to-go orders from the dwindling line, and one of the full-time employees, Koma, was making the coffee. The new waitress was bussing tables. Kirishima was there as well, talking to some customers across the cafe. The manager was nowhere in sight. 

Settling in, Hide pulled up the files of Kanou’s property on his phone. His team would be arriving at the location soon, if they hadn’t already. He was a bit worried, to be honest. His gut told him that there was something important at the weird-isolated mansion, but he could only guess as to what it was. 

His thoughts were interrupted when a shadow fell across his screen. 

“Welcome to Anteiku, what can I - ”

Hide looked up from where he’d been hunched over his phone, and witnessed the exact moment Kirishima recognized him. He was a bit surprised that she hadn’t before, but he supposed he did look a little different. So did she actually. 

“Oh… um, it’s you…” 

“Hi Touka-chan!” He greeted brightly. “Long time no see! Wow your hair has gotten so long, it’s really cute!” From across the cafe, Hide noticed Nishiki stiffen, and turn towards them. 

“Uh, thanks…” Kirishima said. Brows furrowed, her gaze shifted rapidly between his eyes. So she’d noticed their color, then. He’d wondered if ghouls would find the change more obvious than humans did. 

“I’ll have a vanilla latte please!” He chimed, breaking the brief silence “Oh, and do you still serve those blackberry tart things? I’ll have one of those too!” 

“Right away…” She mumbled, and left. Hide propped his chin up onto his hand and took his phone back out. 

Kirishima wordlessly brought his order over a few minutes later, and Hide took his time enjoying the pastry and coffee. A few of the other patrons gave him curious glances every now and again, but he was left alone for the most part. If it wasn’t for the scent of molten glass and iron which surrounded him from every side, Hide could have even relaxed. 

It wasn’t an unpleasant smell, but it still put him on edge. He contemplated how he had never noticed its significance before. The smell of coffee had overpowered it, he supposed. 

Would Kaneki smell like this, the next time Hide met him? Though it reminded him of his death at the hands of the black rabbit, he supposed he could get used to it. Did Hide smell any different after all this time? If he did, would Kaneki be able to tell? 

Hide absently doodled a small Himawari on the corner of his napkin as his thoughts wandered. 

Kirishima hadn’t recognized him at first, and although the circumstances were obviously different, he wondered if Kaneki would have a hard time recognizing him as well. Hide felt like he would recognize Ken no matter what, but it was reasonable to assume that his friend had changed in their time apart. Hide had, well, if not changed, then at least grown since he’d last seen him. 

From the window, Hide watched the morning slowly shift into early afternoon. When he found Kaneki, what would they do? Would they be able to go back to Kamii together, or had that option closed to them now? 

Hide could take them to a new city. They could set up new lives, maybe even under new names, and go to college or do whatever there. They could even leave the country if need be. His english was good, and Kaneki’s was too, so it wouldn’t be that hard to readjust to a life in Australia or America. 

He thought of his team, likely exploring the depths of Kanou’s mansion even now. He hadn’t known them for long, but he’d miss them, if he left. Ikuma and Takizawa too. Kaneki had grown close to people aside from him, he knew. The people at Anteiku were his friends, and Hide hoped that there were others with Ken, wherever he was. Would Kaneki leave them to start somewhere new with Hide? 

The thought made his chest ache, because he wasn’t sure. Hide knew what Ken meant to him, but now more than ever he didn’t know if the sentiment was shared. 

Well. Something like fleeing Tokyo was a worst case scenario anyway, so it was better to not dwell on it. 

Hide finished his coffee and pastry, and left Anteiku unmolested. The trial had been a success, but the time spent in his own head had left him in a somber mood, one which did not dissipate for the rest of the day. 

X

Izumi Shimomura preferred the days where she looked into the mirror and didn’t recognize herself. 

On those days, she was who she said she was. She was a bit of a secretary, and a bit of a bodyguard, and she was useful. She did her job with confidence. Even if she messed up, that was okay, because she was still new. 

On bad days, when Izumi looked in the mirror and the length of her eyelashes overshadowed the red hue of her eyes, she wanted nothing more than to truly be Izumi. She felt like a fraud, a scam, and when she messed up, she was certain that Tosaki wouldn’t put up with her anymore. 

Fortunately, today was a good day. She’d looked in the mirror and found a wrinkle around her eye that hadn’t been there before, and that was enough to separate Izumi Shimomura from her mother’s daughter. 

They were back in Tokyo, now, after having spent the last several weeks in Hokkaido. One of the car companies who took Tanaka on loan had wanted to renegotiate, and Tosaki had been sent to brow-beat them back into compliance. And where Tosaki went, Izumi followed. 

Despite the dull nature of their visit, she had liked Hokkaido. It had been different, and unfamiliar, and maybe because of that, she hadn’t had any bad days while there. Maybe the company would get a big head again and Tosaki would have to go haggle with them some more.

She could hope.

Not one to procrastinate these days, she began in on the paperwork and messages that had accumulated while they were gone. Everything was routine until she came to one particularly stange email. 

Izumi paused, and it took her a moment to recognize the sender as one of their more obscure plants. They’d never sent anything before, and that alone was enough to spark her interest. Reading through the message again, the interest morphed into detached calculation. 

She picked up her cell phone and dialed. “Tosaki-san, I think we may have a new lead…” 

X

Hide hung up the phone, a grin spreading across his face. 

“Yes!” He cheered quietly, pumping his fist. He hadn’t been holding out much hope that the witness to the slenderman sighting would call him, but here he was, with a meeting set up for the afternoon. 

It looked like his luck might be taking a turn for the better. Excited, Hide pulled his real cell phone out and sent out a text. He had a few hours to kill, and he knew Ikuma often played street corners near the designated meeting place. While he waited for the meeting, he could try and wheedle some gossip from the ghoul. 

His thoughts drifted back to the woman he’d be meeting with. The chances still might not be good, but he found himself hoping that this Izumi lady really was an ajin, like him. 

X

Ikuma hadn’t been able to meet him for long, which was just as well, because Hide was so excited he was practically buzzing in place. Still, he’d enjoyed meeting back up with his friend for a bit. It’d been too long since they last properly caught up. 

He was set to meet Izumi in a popular restaurant in the 23rd ward. He’d never been there, but the reviews online were good. Maybe even a little too good, he thought, quickening his pace. He hadn’t made a reservation, and the lunch rush would begin soon. 

He turned the corner and spotted the restaurant. Fortunately it didn’t look busy at all; two men in business attire were smoking by the entrance, but that was it. Hide’s gaze lingered on the men for a few seconds longer than normal. The way they stood, with their weight centered and balanced, told Hide that they had combat experience. That wasn’t so unusual though. Cochlea was only a few stations away, they probably came from there. 

Striding past them, Hide opened the door to the restaurant and stepped inside. 

He spotted Izumi almost immediately, but didn’t have time to celebrate as every hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

She was seated at a central table, and was wearing a light blue blazer, like she said she would be. Just as Hide was wearing a green and white striped shirt, like he said he would be. They’d traded the information so that they would be able to recognize each other in what Hide had assumed would be a crowded restaurant. 

Aside from them, however, there were only three others in the entire place. All men, and all in suits identical to the men’s outside. 

Izumi’s gaze locked onto his, their red-eyed hue identical to his own. 

“Oh.” Hide blinked. 

He glanced behind him, and saw the men from outside moving to block the door. They had their hands in their jackets. Someone was saying something, but Hide wasn’t paying attention. Black sand rose from Izumi’s shoulders. 

“So it’s a trap. Well okay.” 

There was a snap of anger and some kind of foreign protectiveness, and suddenly Himawari was there, racing towards the other Ajin and the suited men. 

Hide trusted her to cover him for the moment. 

He turned and sprinted at the men by the door. They flinched back in surprise, and one of them managed to pull out something like a gun, but couldn’t pull the trigger before Hide was upon them. For his relatively small frame, people often underestimated how much strength he possessed, and Hide used that to his advantage now, ducking under the men’s arms and diving into their legs. They went down in a pile of limbs - all of them - but in the confusion, Hide managed to pull out his handheld tasers. 

The voltage was strong, but it wouldn’t kill them. 

Theoretically, anyway.

Behind him, Himawari was blocked by the appearance of another black monster. The shape was different than Himawari’s, rather than a flower, its head was built like a tall pyramid. 

Something whizzed past his ear. Kicking away from the incapacitated men, Hide bolted for the door. 

“Stay safe.” Himawari whispered, voice low, but Hide heard it. 

Outside, there were more men to the left, so Hide sprinted right. 

“Unconfirmed -!” Hide made out snatches of shouting. “He’s armed! Use the tranquilizers!” 

There was a shopping outlet nearby, if Hide could make it there, then he might be able to lose them in the crowds. They’d seen his face though, so he’d have to disguise himself somehow. He glanced behind him to see three or four people chasing after him. Some of them were in uniform. 

“Stop! Stop or we’ll shoot!” 

He ducked into a side street, something pinging into the concrete above his head. So they were definitely shooting. Leaping over an overturned trash can, he kept going, following the maze of alleyways to another main road. 

“There!” Someone shouted, and something sharp impacted his shoulder. Hide gripped the bottom of his tasers, and collapsed with a strangled inhale. 

“Target down! Move in! You there! Back away now!”

“Hide…?”

Fingers twitching from residual electricity, Hide opened his eyes to see Ikuma peering down at him, eyes fearful. He must have stuck around after they separated. “What’s going -”

“Run for it.” Hide rasped, and leapt to his feet to follow his own advice.

“He’s up!” 

“Shoot him!” 

Hide shoved his way into a crowd of onlookers, forcing his way through. 

“Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! You’ll hit someone!” 

He beelined into the entryway of the shopping mall, skidding though the electronic doors. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he became aware that Himawari had dispersed. He’d have to keep an eye out for Izumi and her monster, then. People shouted at him to slow down or look out as he sprinted past, and then those shouts turned into alarm when they caught sight of his pursuers. Turning a corner, Hide ducked into the nearest shop, which thankfully sold clothes. Slowing down for a moment, he hid briefly behind a display while the cops and guys in suits ran past.

They’d realize he wasn’t ahead of them soon though. Keeping his head down, he pulled a large-ish jacket from a hanger and shrugged it on. A mirror in the sunglasses display revealed one of the suits entering the store, tranquilizer gun held low. Hide took a pair of glasses off the shelf and slid it onto his face. A baseball cap bearing the stores logo went next.

“I hope you’re planning on buying all that.” The statement was practically shouted, and Hide glanced up to see a man standing behind the register giving him the stink eye. The suit looked up too, and followed the employees gaze to Hide. 

Time was up. 

He nearly slipped on the polished floor as he ran out, but managed to keep his feet under him. 

“Target is by the south entrance, heading -” Fortunately it seemed like that suit wasn’t one of the faster ones.

He had been to this mall once before, and if he recalled correctly, there were escalators that led to an underground parking lot by the food court. If he could get down there, then he theoretically knew how to hotwire and drive a car, though he’d never actually done either. 

“There he is!”

A whistle shocked the air, and Hide dodged out of the way, catching sight of the tranquilizer shot nailing a mannequin in the gut as he ran. 

Bursting onto the food court, Hide glanced around wildly for a moment before he spotted the escalators. They were closed down and boarded up, but they looked like they went down to the lower levels. He leapt over the blockade and half-ran, half-fell down the stairs. 

Hide made it to the bottom only by leaping the last half dozen steps, and still would have fallen if someone hadn’t reached out to catch him at the wrist. Still off balance, he nonetheless twisted, bringing a sparking taser up to fend off his attacker. 

“Wait!”

Hide paused. “Ikuma?” 

“C’mon.” Ikuma quickly pulled him into an alcove underneath the two escalators. “Stay quiet!” He pushed him into the darkest corner, physically shielding him from sight as Hide’s pursuers thundered above them. 

Hide’s mind was totally blank in shock, and he didn’t think to protest any of the treatment. When the space had quieted down, Ikuma turned back towards him. “Hurry,” he said, “Let’s swap clothes.” 

“What?” 

“I’ll lead them away from you. Like a decoy. I’ll take the parking lot exit like you were probably thinking of using. You wait here for awhile and then go back up and leave through one of the back shop exits alright?” 

“Wait - what, what are you - ?”

“Hide we don’t have time!” Ikuma insisted. “I promise I won’t let them catch me, okay? But we have to go!” 

“You’re right.” Hide’s mind whirred to life. “They won’t catch you. You’ll be too fast. The tranquilizers won’t be able to pierce your skin either.” He pulled off his shirt and stolen jacket in one go, and thrust them at Ikuma. He didn’t know how Ikuma had found him, or why he’d be willing to help him, but he’d take this chance. 

“I-” now it was Ikuma’s turn to be taken aback. He shook his head, and said nothing as he traded his own shirt for Hide’s. 

Hide summoned Himawari to his side and grabbed Ikuma’s hand. “Don’t freak out.” He warned, and placed Ikuma’s hand onto Himawari’s shoulder. 

“What the f - ” 

“This is Himawari. She’s like my guardian, and she’s invisible, except I can see her and at least one person from the people chasing me can too. I’m going to give her to you for now. She’ll last about twelve minutes before she disappears, got that?” Ikuma blinked rapidly and said nothing, but at least he wasn’t running away screaming. 

“Himawari - protect Ikuma. Don’t let him get caught. And do as he says! Okay? Do you understand?” 

“Protect… Hide…” Himawari’s voice rasped with displeasure. 

“No! Not right now, alright? Ikuma is protecting me, and so you’re going to protect him. Protect Ikuma. Follow him.” 

“Ikuma protect Hide.” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay… protect Ikuma.” 

He sighed in relief and turned back towards Ikuma, who was staring at him, wide-eyed. The ghoul pursed his lips, but said nothing as he jammed Hide’s stolen sunglasses onto his face. “Here.” Hide handed him one of the two tasers. “Press this button to turn it on, but don’t touch the metal on the other end. The shock is lethal.” 

Ikuma took the taser, looking at it curiously. “I always kind of knew you were wrapped up in something.” He laughed. “I didn’t imagine this, though.” 

The voices of his pursuers were coming closer, and Hide heard someone say that they’d seen him jump over the barrier. 

“Ikuma.” Hide started, he had to ask. “Why…?” 

He put a hand on Hide’s shoulder. “You’re my friend.” He said. “I want to help you. Now, Himawari-chan, was it? Let’s go.” 

“Let’s go.” she agreed. They were gone in an instant. Hide listened closely as the shouts of alarm went up when Ikuma appeared, and then faded into silence when he led them away. 

“Thank you.” Hide said, too quiet and too late to be heard. 

X

Hide wasn’t in his right mind. He knew he wasn’t, just as he knew that what he was doing was a bad idea. 

But he was scared. 

The people today - whoever they were, government or law enforcement or whatever - they had seen his face. Maybe they didn’t know his name or anything else yet, but Hide didn’t fool himself by thinking that that would stop them. He’d been duped, utterly and completely, and had even confirmed himself to be an Ajin in front of them. Maybe if he had just kept his cool and pretended like he had no idea what was going on…

But no. Hide had seen Izumi’s - or whatever her real name was - eyes and had known immediately that she was like him. He was sure that it went both ways. He’d been screwed the moment he’d picked up that stupid magazine. They would find him. They would. 

And he was worried. 

He was worried because Ikuma had put himself in harm’s way to protect Hide, even though he arguably had much more to lose if he was caught. What if they had noticed his black and scarlett eyes under the sunglasses, or called in investigators when the needles bounced off his skin? 

He rubbed at his arms, Ikuma’s light sweater doing nothing to protect against the chill brought on by the shivers wracking his frame. 

But mostly, he was desperate. 

It was exhausting… all of it. He didn’t want to die anymore, he didn’t want to run. He didn’t want to lie to his coworkers or sneak around. He just… wanted to be able to walk next to Kaneki again. He wanted his friend back.

Struggling to breathe past the lump in his throat, Hide looked up at Anteiku’s sign. 

It was a bad idea. 

He went in anyway. 

“Sorry.” Kirishima said, looking up, “we’re closed.” She, and the new employee whose name Hide didn't know, were the only ones in the shop. The unfamiliar ghoul wrinkled her nose. “Oh. Hide-kun. What are you doing here…?”

“K-kiri… I mean, Touka-chan.” Hide stepped forward. “Please, I-I’m sorry to barge in like this, but I need to talk to you.” 

Kirishima frowned, but it wasn’t unkind. She looked Hide up and down silently for several long moments. 

“Please.” Hide said, desperation leaking into his voice. “Please. I just… want to talk.” 

“Roma.” Kirishima addressed the other girl without turning to look at her. “You can go home. I’ll finish up here.” 

“What?!” The girl squeaked, “But! But he-!” 

“Go home.” Her glare shocked the younger ghoul into silence, and she quickly made herself scarce. “Now.” Kirishima turned a stare onto Hide. “What do you want?” 

Suddenly put on the spot, Hide faltered, and floundered for what to say. He’d be honest, he decided. As much as he could be. He was too tired for anything else. “I did something stupid,” he admitted, “and am now in a lot of trouble. I’m… I’m probably going to have to run. Yeah.” He laughed though the seizing in his chest. “And I just… I can’t…” 

Kirishima was looking at him oddly, confusion marring her features. 

“Right. You don’t want my sob story. I’ll just… I’ll just get to the point, I guess.” He took a breath. “I know that Kaneki is a ghoul. And I know you are too. I’ve known for a long time.” 

Kirishima didn’t move, and Hide took that as a good sign. “I don’t care about any of that.” His own admissions were on the tip of his tongue, but he held them at bay. “I’ve only ever wanted to see him happy. But now he’s in trouble. The CCG know about Rize, and they’re looking for him.” 

The corners of Kirishima’s mouth lifted upward in a grimace. “Some men from the CCG came by to ask about him.” She said. 

Hide nodded. “I want him to be safe. But I won’t… I won’t be able to protect him much longer. So please, if you know anything, anything at all about where he might be, or who he’s with, or if you know how to get into contact with him, please, please help me.” 

“What…” There was a strange look on her face, and Hide couldn’t begin to decipher it, not in that moment. “What are you going to do, if you manage to find him?” 

“I’m going to try and get him to run with me.” Hide cracked a wry smile. It wasn’t an immediate no, and she was listening to him. 

“The CCG will confirm that he’s a ghoul sooner or later, and I’m not in a position where I can stay where I am either. At this rate neither of us can return to our lives the way they were. But I can set up new identities for us somewhere else, outside of Tokyo. Even the country, if I have to.” 

“Oh?” Her voice was quiet. “And how do you know all of this about the CCG, anyway?” 

“I’ve been working at the CCG for the past few months. I figured that it was the best way for me to gather information, with the - ”

Kirishima laughed, the sound loud and insincere in the ringing emptiness of the shop. 

“How stupid do you think I am?” She asked. 

“I don’t - ”

“Shut the hell up.” 

Hide’s mouth snapped shut. 

“I should kill you. I should. I really, really want to. You want to take him away, hm? And have you thought about what he wants at all? What, you’ve gone and gotten yourself in trouble with the law or whatever, and now you want to drag Kaneki down with you?” Her glare was enough send a spike of adrenaline down his spine. 

“And that bullshit about the CCG - I know. You’re the one that sent them here, aren’t you?” 

“No, Touka-Chan, please - ”

“Shut up! Just get out already! You don’t - that Kaneki is gone! And he wouldn’t leave us to go with you. You’re just a human, what could you ever understand of what he’s been through?! You’re no good. You’re not! And I won’t let you take him away!” 

“Fine!” Hide snapped. “I thought that you out of everyone would want him safe but I guess I was wrong!.” 

“Just get out already. Before I change my mind and kill you.” 

Hide bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep in the reflexive ‘go ahead and try’. Escalating the situation now wouldn’t do any good. 

“Whatever.” His blood settled into a simmer. “I’ll find him on my own. I've made it this far, so I guess nothing has really changed.”

He turned away. 

That was right. Today had been a failure on all levels, but that didn’t mean he was down for the count. He still had himself, and Himawari. And, he reflected, he probably had Ikuma too. 

He hadn’t failed yet. 

“Touka-Chan.” Hand on the door, Hide turned back to look at the ghoul. Her shoulders were hunched and her posture was defensive. Angry tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. 

“I don’t really know you. I don’t know who you are or what you’ve been through. But I know Kaneki cares about you a lot. So take care of yourself.” 

She was just a kid, he thought, closing the door behind him. 

She was just a kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about the action scene... I'll leave it up to you guys to judge.


	5. Ruthless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life was really giving it to me for awhile there. Thanks to all the people who have reviewed and given their support thus far. This is the final chapter of Shared Sentiments, but its far from the end... I'll be posting an 'interlude' within a day or so that takes place between this series and the next, so please keep an eye out for it.

“So… You’re an ajin, huh?” 

Hide sat in Ikuma’s sparse living room, cradling a mug of black coffee in his hands. It had been a long twenty-four hours. 

After the confrontation with Kirishima, he’d gone back to his apartment only to grab the bug-out bag (which he’d honestly thought he’d never need) and some keepsakes. He’d planned to stay the night at some random hotel, but had received a text from Ikuma before he could. 

“Why do you think that?” Hide asked. It came out a bit more guarded than he intended, but he was genuinely curious to know how Ikuma had guessed. 

Ikuma shifted restlessly on the couch, the dark circles under his eyes mirroring Hide’s. Over text, he had explained that he’d managed to lead Hide’s pursuers around in circles for a while before ditching them somewhere in the 8th ward. 

“Well I’m not sure, really, but when you collapsed outside of the shopping mall I was sure for a second that you were dead. And then there was the whole thing with Himawari-chan… I mean ghouls can’t do that, as far as I know.” 

“You’re right.” Hide admitted. “I am an ajin. And wow, I’ve never told anyone before, so that’s… it’s a bit of a relief, saying it out loud.” 

Ikuma’s smile was small. “I think I understand.” 

A brief silence overtook them, and Hide stared at the lightening sky outside the window. 

“And you know that I am, um…” 

“Yeah man.” Hide reassured him. “I know.” 

“And you’re not… scared?” 

“Not of you.” The coffee was bitter and smooth on his tongue. “Whether someone is a ghoul or human, I’ve never really… I dunno. You’re a good person, that’s all that matters.” 

Ikuma stared down at his own mug for several minutes. “Thank you Hide.” He said finally. 

“I should be the one thanking you. You really saved me. But for what it’s worth, you’re welcome.” 

“You’re welcome, too.” 

Hide smiled, and so did Ikuma. 

“So what are you going to do now? Will they still be looking for you?” 

“Probably.” Hide shrugged. “I used a fake name when I was setting up the meeting, and a burner phone, which I dumped at the mall, but they still saw my face. I won’t be going back to my apartment in any case. I really shouldn’t go back to school either… good thing the new term hasn’t started yet. I can just drop out. I have some emergency cash stored away as well...” He trailed off, thinking of the several offshore accounts he had access to. He’d never had reason to use them before now. 

“What about your job?” 

Hide groaned. “I really should just drop off the grid completely, but… they’re my best chance at finding Kaneki. I guess… I’ll have to play it by ear.”

“You are wrapped up in some wild stuff, dude.” 

“You have no idea.” 

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need. I have a gig later this afternoon, but I could cancel if you need me to?” 

“No, that’s okay. I actually have work…” he checked his watch and groaned. “In an hour. And I’ll leave tomorrow. I’m going to need to keep moving for awhile.” 

Ikuma nodded. “Okay. Feel free to come to me if you need anything.” 

Hide was really lucky to have such a great friend. “Actually, there is something, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah?” 

“I have a storage unit. It’s paid forward for the next few months, but just in case something happens, can I give you the key? It has all of Kaneki’s stuff in it.” 

“Oh. Yeah, I can hold onto it for you, if you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure. I’ll give you some cash to keep up with the payments too.” Hide reached into the duffel bag at his feet, and pulled out two large bound books, and a wad of cash. “Here’s the money.” 

Ikuma’s eyes nearly bugged out of  
skull. “That’s… a lot of money, Hide. Surely storage units don’t cost that much…” 

Hide shrugged. “Just in case.” He insisted. “If something happens to me… and Kaneki comes back, would you give him the key?”

“I mean… yes, of course.” 

“Would you put these in the unit too?” Hide held out the books. “They’re photo albums.” One was filled with pictures from his childhood, and featured mostly himself, but there were a few with his mom as well. The other one Hide had begun in middle school, and it featured himself and Kaneki. That had some of the only pictures of Kaneki that Hide was aware existed. 

Ikuma took the albums carefully. “You’re really preparing for the worst, huh?” 

“I am.” 

X

“Hey mom. I hope you’re doing well. So… some stuff has… happened. I can’t explain much, but I’ve gotten into a bit of trouble. Before you panic, its not with, y’know,  
or anything. It’s completely different. But yeah, I’ll be trying to lay low for awhile. I’m getting rid of my phone after this call too, just so you know. And I’ll be moving and dropping out of college. Just for the time being. I know how important my education is. Well, I just thought I’d let you know. I love you, and I’ll be seeing you again soon, okay?” 

X  
“Here’s the moment the switch happens.” Izumi Shimomura rewound the video to the point where their target ran on screen. The video was of low quality, and even though she’d seen it a dozen times already, Izumi had trouble making out the figure in the darkened space. For that reason, she carefully followed his form with her finger in order to assist Tosaki’s untrained eyes. “The second person appears here.” She paused the video and pointed to a darkened smudge in the vague shape of a person. “From there our target and the second person pause for a moment before they move out of range of the camera - I think they’re under the escalator somehow.” The video plays, and they watch in silence for a minute, until a solitary figure reappears. “The black ghost is with him. He’s holding its hand.” 

Tosaki hums. “So that’s the second person, then. Not our target.” 

“I believe so.” Izumi sped the video forward a full half hour, and they watched in silence as a figure crept out from the shadows and then casually walked away. 

“How did we not figure it out?” Tosaki snarled, shaking a handful of breath mints into his hand. 

“Well they obviously swapped clothes. And since the decoy had the black ghost with him, I didn’t think to question it.” 

“It couldn’t have been planned. Why would our target walk into a trap if he had suspicions about it?” 

Izumi picked at the bandage on her shoulder and said nothing. She honestly had no idea. It was a completely unexpected move on “Cain’s” part, and that was another reason why they probably hadn’t noticed. She doubted that they would have caught him regardless of whether the switch had taken place anyway. He’d realized that it was a trap immediately, and had responded in a way completely beyond their expectations. Rather than attempt to utilize his voice, which they had been prepared for, he had immediately fought back using his ghost.

That in itself hadn’t been the problem. The problem was that he had abandoned his ghost and run away - leaving it in place to delay them. Izumi hadn’t been aware that ghosts were able to follow such complicated directions. Especially not in such a short amount of time. 

The ghost had been rather horrifying too. Unlike her Kuro-chan, it had teeth.She had eventually been able to take it out, but Izumi had had to do it in her own body, as it had disintegrated Kuro-chan almost immediately. The Ajin’s stomach rolled as she recalled how the ghost had wrapped its… flap, teeth-things around Kuro-chan’s head and then ripped it clean off. At least that had taught her that the weak point in a ghost was its head. 

“Well we’ll find him.” Thoughts interrupted, Izumi turned back towards her boss. “Find the clearest image of his face - our target , not the decoy - that you can and then run it through every database we have. Have some people look into his pseudonym too, there might be a lead there. The police are already looking, but let’s extend this to our contacts. I’ll get a big bonus if we can pull in another Ajin.” 

“You’ve got it sir.” 

She got to work. 

X

“You haven’t been looking all that well, Nagachika-kun.” Amon sat down next to him, silently holding out a cup of coffee from the office’s machine. 

“Thanks.” Hide murmured blearily. He basically lived at the CCG these days. When he wasn’t with Amon and Mado, he was helping Marude out with various things. It was good; he’d rather be productive than waste away in whatever hotel room he happened to be staying in at the time. 

“He’s right.” Mado agreed from across the room. “You’ve been rotating three outfits for about two weeks now. Before then you had at least five outfits that you rotated seemingly randomly. Also you washed the outfits then. You’re starting to smell a bit, Nagachika, which makes me feel like you have somehow lost regular access to either a washing machine or a shower, maybe both. Also the sudden decrease in the number of clothing items you wear to work makes me think that you might no longer have them in your possession.” 

Hide turned to her, unable to work up any emotion besides a vague impressed feeling at her deep analysis. “I owe a guy some money,” he lied. 

Mado got up from her chair for the express purpose of smacking him upside the head. 

“That’s not behavior befitting of an Investigative Assistant.” Amon chastised. But after that, Mado took him out to lunch much more often, and Hide caught Amon trying and failing to sneak money into his wallet several times. 

He almost wished that they would stop, but when they dragged him out of the office and then sat with him while his clothes washed at a laundromat, Hide could only be grateful. It was nice to have people worry about you. Then Amon started doing push-ups in the middle of the floor, and Mado, with much dignity, sat on the middle of his back and continued to study investigation reports. Hide’s laughter was sincere for the first time in weeks. 

X

Hide read through the report on Centipede slowly, absorbing the details. There wasn’t much of a physical description, but there didn’t really need to be. He recognized his best friend well enough. Excitement and dread warred in his chest, and he eventually settled on some confusing blend of the two. 

Excitement, because this was the biggest lead he’d gotten so far, and dread, because if the reports were to be trusted Kaneki was in much worse shape than he’d feared. 

“So what do you think?” 

Hide looked up to meet Marude’s gaze from across his desk. The information he’d just read through was marked with a ‘confidential’ stamp, and it wasn’t wrong to suspect that it was well above his clearance level.

“Why are you showing me this?” 

It couldn’t be out of the goodness of his heart. Marude was kind enough, but he had gotten to the top not through physical prowess, or from connections, but through his cunning. There was definitely an angle being played here. 

Marude said nothing and steepled his fingers together, examining Hide for several long minutes. 

“I know you’re hiding something.” Marude broke the silence, a smirk lifting his lips. “But I don’t care about your motivations. What I do care about are your skills. You’re smarter than you let on, and a hell of a lot more crafty too. With some proper training under your belt, you could be a top-class investigator.” 

“So it’s an offering.” 

“You could say that. Look kid, I’m not an idiot, I know what you’re gonna do with that information. You can try and save your friend, but you won’t get far with the CCG against you.” 

Hide gripped the folder tighter and said nothing. 

“Don’t look at me like that. I already told you I couldn’t give two shits about your motivations. But I’ll give you some advice. What you need is to get the CCG on your side. You need to convince us to save Kaneki Ken ourselves. Are you following?” 

“Yes… How do you suggest I do that?”

“I’ll help you.” 

“For a price.” 

“Of course.” 

“What do you want, exactly?” Hide asked.

“Your loyalty. I want your skills on our side, and I want you to commit to full-time training until the time I deem you fit to enter the ranks as a full investigator. After that you’ll be working for me. In return, I’ll help you convince the director to give your friend a chance.” 

“You’re asking me to commit my life to the CCG.” 

“And? What do you say?” 

Hide looked down, studying the wood grain of the desk. The goal had always been to find Kaneki and then either bring him home, or join him wherever he was, but after reading through the file, that might no longer be an option. Shinohara had described Centipede as ‘the craziest ghoul he’d ever met’ in the report, and from such a seasoned investigator that was saying something. At this point Ken would probably need therapy and various levels of support if he ever wanted to live a normal life again. 

If Hide were to find Ken with the CCG’s help, then he’d probably be committing Kaneki to a life in the CCG as well. A spike of fear raced down his spine. Kaneki had been turned into a ghoul, artificially. He would no doubt make an extremely valuable test subject down in the research department. 

Speaking of test subjects, there was his situation to consider too. As an actual investigator, there was a good chance Hide would eventually die on the job, no matter how careful he was. An artificial ghoul and an ajin, it was a mad-scientist's dream come true. 

It still would have been a huge risk even if Hide wasn’t an ajin. He doubted anyone would recognize him, but the chance was there, and it would grow exponentially if he rose through the ranks. 

He still couldn’t refuse Marude’s offer though. 

Kaneki was clearly wrapped up in some really dangerous stuff, and the CCG were closing in quickly. If they got to Ken before Hide did, then they’d kill him or send him to Cochlea. If he could convince them that Kaneki was more valuable alive though, then maybe he could buy himself time to rescue him. Set up a safe house somewhere, get them identities in Australia, something like that. As long as he kept the ace of Himawari up his sleeve, he could move around basically undetected. 

“Yeah. That sounds fine.” Hide nodded, letting a small smile grow on his face. “If Kaneki’s protection isn’t guaranteed I’m out though. His safety comes first.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal Nagachika.” Marude outstretched his hand, and they shook on it. 

X

 

Things went quickly after that. 

Hide met briefly with Washuu Yoshitoki and some of the other special class investigators to discuss Kaneki Ken. Marude did most of the talking, outlining the points Hide had given him in concise terms. 

The meeting itself went okay, as far as he could tell. Some of the special class investigators were against the idea, but Yoshitoki and Arima, whose opinions apparently mattered the most, seemed to be at least considering a ‘capture’ priority on the ghoul Centipede. 

Then Hide heard about the raid. 

For some reason, it had never occurred to him that in all the mess, the CCG would focus its gaze on Anteiku. But it turned out that the manager was a high-profile ghoul that had eluded the CCG for ages, and they weren’t keen on letting him go again. 

“You’ll be with me.” Marude told him. “We’ll be away from the action, but just in case you should fill out one of these.” 

It was a last will and testament. Hide didn’t laugh, though he very much wanted to. “Okay.” he agreed, though all of his belongings that he cared about were already under Ikuma’s care, so it was doubly pointless. 

In the days leading up to the operation, Hide only left the bureau to shower in his hotel room and catch brief cat naps. He worked closely with Marude and Mabuchi in coming up with the best strategy for dealing with Owl, and whatever other ghouls may be hiding in Anteiku. 

It was disgusting; Hide felt like he was lower than scum while planning out how to best exterminate Kaneki’s friends. Even worse was the fact that he was good at it. Really, really good at it. 

Hide understood intrinsically some things which seemed to evade Marude and other investigators completely. The night before the raid, the plans for the operation were as good as perfect, and Marude pulled him aside and asked him what would happen if Kaneki showed up. 

He didn’t ask what Hide would do, or what Kaneki would do, he just asked what would happen. So Hide told him. 

“Kaneki would show up to help the other ghouls, or if he was caught in the crossfire. If that happens I’ll go to him.” 

“You can talk him down?” 

“Yes.” 

“What if he’s dedicated to the ghoul’s side?” 

“I can talk him down.” 

“That will put you in a combat area.” 

“I know. But it’s what will happen.”

“I trust you, Nagachika.” Marude clapped a hand on his shoulder, and didn’t break eye contact for several long moments. “You’re a good kid. However this operation goes.” 

Hide looked back at him and wondered if he would be saying the same thing if he knew that Hide had sent Himawari to Anteiku with a warning days ago. Or if he knew that with any luck, all the planning they’d done would be worthless because Anteiku would be empty. 

God, he prayed it was empty. 

X

“Be safe back there, Nagachika-kun.” 

“I’m not gonna be in the action. It’s you guys that need to be safe.”

Mado shook her head, looking pretty cool in her riot gear, and reached out to re-adjust the straps of his armor. 

“Nowhere will be completely safe.” Amon said, inspecting the integrity of his helmet before putting it on. “But don’t worry, even if a ghoul does happen to slip through, Marude is highly skilled.” 

“Still.” Mado pushed. “Be vigilant. And remember, you’re not a full investigator yet, so you’re allowed to run from a combat scenario.” 

“Wow.” Hide groaned in exaggeration. “I didn’t realize that it was bring your parents to work day! Mom, dad, why didn’t you guys tell me you were coming?” 

Mado flicked him on the nose, and Amon turned away quickly, but Hide saw the tips of his ears turn red. 

“No seriously.” Hide continued. “How about a family hug, huh?” He held his arms wide open, and to his surprise, Mado leaned in to give him a quick squeeze. 

“Cheeky brat. You better be safe.” 

“Don’t worry about me.” He puffed up his chest in cheerful bravado. “I’m indestructible!” Amon proved that statement incorrect when a ‘hug’ from him immediately forced all the air from his lungs. 

“Oh, hey look!” Hide said, once recovered, “it’s Takizawa-san!” He waved at the investigator from across the room where they were receiving the mission gear. “I’m going to go wish him luck.” 

Takizawa watched him as he drew nearer. “So you really were assigned to the operation, Nagachika-kun.” He said. It wasn’t the warmest of greetings, but Takizawa was looking a bit pale, so Hide didn’t think anything of it. 

“I won’t be fighting. Just running some support stuff with Marude-san.” 

Takizawa grunted in reply and fumbled with his helmet straps. 

“Say Takizawa-san, you don’t need to worry, yeah? You’re here for a reason! I’m sure you’ll kick some ghoul butt!” 

“...You really think so?” 

“Yeah! And if you get in a tough spot, then don’t worry! Your good ol’ friend Hide will swoop in and save you!” 

“Like you could!” 

Hide laughed, and considered the way color was returning to his friend’s face a victory. 

“Nagachika!” That was Marude calling him. 

“Looks like it’s time to get going. Knock some heads together for me, Takizawa-san! I’ll buy you a drink when we’re all done! Later!” 

“Bye!” Takizawa called after him, “good luck!” 

Hide offered one last round of ‘stay safe’ to Amon and Mado, before jogging up to catch up with Marude. 

“Alright kid, let’s get going.” 

While the actual attack on the cafe wouldn’t begin until late afternoon, they had a lot of work to do before then. First, due to the manager’s high level, they’d shut down the entire twentieth ward. That meant that for a short while, no one was allowed to enter or leave. It had to be done with no warning too, otherwise the ghouls could have gotten wind and escaped. So the ward was shut down, and once secure, a fast and thorough evacuation was performed. In order to evacuate the area, citizens needed to provide medical proof that they were human. 

The evacuation process was ongoing, but it was winding down to a close. Hide was heading out to where he, Marude, and Mabuchi would be stationed for the rest of the operation. They’d have about an hour to set up equipment and prepare before the main attacking force arrived. During that time it was also their responsibility to determine if their target was inside the building or not. 

Hide’s nerves thrummed in anticipation as he helped Mabuchi finish loading up the van. Himawari had pushed his warning under the shop’s door days ago, but he had no idea if the ghouls had listened. Double checking that his tasers were in place beneath the armor on his hips, Hide assured himself that even if things went south, he was still prepared. 

“Alright, are you two ready?” Marude asked, after they had finished triple-checking the equipment. 

They both nodded. 

“Great. Let’s go boys.” 

X

“Movement inside the building confirmed.” Mabuchi said, eyes glued to the computer screen. “At least two - no, three. Main target has emerged from a back room. Arima is in place in V14. Squads 1 through 4 are in place. 5 is nearly there. 6 through 10 are good to go. 11 is being held up by a delayed evacuation. 12 through 17 have nearly reached the target.” 

“We’ve got them.” Marude grinned, triumphant, and began relaying the information through to Yoshitoki and the other special class investigators. 

Hide felt like crying a little bit.

“All squads in place.” Mabuchi reported. At some point between their arrival and that moment, the sky had grown dark with rain clouds. 

Yoshitoki’s voice crackled over the communication line. “Commence the Operation.” 

X

Words failed Hide the moment Kaneki stepped into view of his computer monitor. 

“New enemy…” Mabuchi muttered, sending out a stream of numbers and locations. “Ghoul Identified as Eyepatch, otherwise known as Centipede. SS rank ghoul, half kakuja, rinkaku type…” 

Slowly, Hide moved to stand. 

“Hold on kid.” Marude put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s give it a moment.” 

On screen, Kaneki raced forward and knocked Hachikawa out. It looked like he had targeted the investigator’s quinque. 

Marude made a humming noise and leaned forward over Hide’s shoulder. 

The fight with Hirako lasted a bit longer, but the result was the same. Kaneki won by disabling Hirako’s quinque, and avoided seriously hurting him altogether. 

“With this,” Marude spoke to him quietly, “we have proof that your friend has a high level of control and still holds human compassion. This will help your case a lot.”

Hide nodded in understanding, and went to stand. 

Marude stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Not yet.” 

“What? Why?” Hide whispered furiously, eyes darting over to Mabuchi. “You said that I could go and talk him down!” 

“Yes, once he’s proven that he’s worth it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Control and humanity won’t convince the bosses to spare him, kid. He has to prove that he’s worth the resources we’ll use on him.” 

“That’s absolutely - ”

“Ruthless. I know. Now shut up and wait until I say so.” 

Hide considered leaving anyway, but in the case that things went south, he’d probably need Marude to back him up. Skin crawling with dread and impatience, Hide slowly sat back down. He was right though; the CCG wouldn’t take Kaneki in unless they thought it would benefit them in some way. 

White-knuckled, he watched through the monitor as Kaneki reappeared and Amon’s squad moved to intercept him. 

In his mind’s eye he saw Kaneki as the quiet boy who dreamed of one day writing a novel next to the ocean, and he saw Amon, who had been a great friend to him when he really needed one. Don’t let them hurt each other, he prayed, please, please don’t let them hurt each other… 

“Nagachika-kun, send Chigyou Amon’s location. The armor should be ready by now.” 

Armor? What armor? Shoulders taut with worry, Hide did as Marude ordered without once looking away from the fight playing out on the monitor. 

“Amon’s losing.” He said needlessly. It was clear as day that one of their top investigators wasn’t going to win out against Centipede. 

“When Chigyou arrives you can go, Nagachika.” Hide nodded, starting to understand Marude’s logic a little bit. The armor would probably give Amon an advantage in the fight, but Hide guessed that Marude didn’t think it would be enough to turn the tides. So Hide would go, and once Kaneki had proved himself against one of their best investigators who also had some of their best tech, he would go and talk him down. 

It was a good plan. He had to marvel at Marude’s apparent trust in him though. Marude was betting one of his best investigator’s on Hide’s assurance of Kaneki’s nature, and he still did it without hesitating. In spite of the situation, or maybe because of it, his chest warmed in affection. 

All the same, the waiting made him ache with worry. 

The head of the CCG laboratory division arrived in a skidding jeep, and Hide flung himself out the van door. 

He felt Himawari attempting to manifest briefly, perhaps called forth by his sudden sprint, but he held her off. He’d no doubt need her in the coming minutes. 

Later, all Hide would be able to recall from his dash through the teeming battlefields was a strong smell of smoke, and thick, sweet things, and the feel of adrenaline pounding his heart into rhythm. 

The scene he arrived upon was one he was prepared for, though it sent a shock of warring emotions through his system nonetheless. They’d mistimed the whole affair, and Kaneki had fled into the sewers several minutes before Hide had arrived, leaving Amon missing a limb but still very much alive. Marude had overestimated either the armor or Amon’s ability. 

It didn’t matter now. Hide paused at the edge of the scene, taking the moment to catch his breath and think through his options. If he could reach Kaneki before he encountered Arima, he might be able to bring him back to some form of rationality, and even explain the situation. If they met the god of death together, perhaps they could convince him of Kaneki’s worth.

Against his will, Hide’s eyes were drawn briefly to where Amon crouched at the pavement.

He was badly injured, and his career as an investigator was likely over, but he’d survive. Takizawa had appeared out from somewhere, crouching down to his superior’s side. Amon was fine, now. He had Takizawa and a medical team was on their way. Hide needed to go find Kaneki. Still, he hesitated just briefly, wondering if there wasn’t some way he could help.

That heartbeat of hesitation would save two lives, and condemn one. 

The first life it saved was Takizawa’s. Someone, heavy with violent intent, appeared before the pair of investigators, and Hide sprinted to intervene before he himself had fully registered the presence of the ghoul. Takizawa saw the ghoul and, to Hide’s eyes, moved as if in slow motion, lifting his small quinque up in defence. The ghoul lashed out, faster than Takizawa could hope to keep up with. But he didn’t need to, because Hide was already there. 

He dove and shoved his friend aside, taking the blow to his chest and arm. Hide was dead before he hit the ground.

The second life saved was Amon’s. Hide revived before he had fully healed, his chest aching with every inhale. The ghoul had turned his attention to Amon and Takizawa, and didn’t seem keen on drawing out the battle. Hide lunged forward, once more moving to block a blow, and called Himawari forth. 

The life condemned, of course, was his own. 

X

There were no clear instructions to follow. Usually, when her Hide summoned her, Himawari had a goal already set in place. Sometimes those instructions were as simple as stick around for as long as she could, and sometimes they were important and complicated. But this time, she felt only static and an alarming sense of urgency and desperation.

She took half a second to get her bearings. Rain fell from the sky and it made the connection between herself and her Hide feel faint. She wasn’t fond of the sensation. Still, she could see just fine. Her Hide was on the ground, bleeding out from a blow to the stomach. Two humans,  
she thought, were also on the ground. One was injured, the other was not. A ghoul stood above them, a shocked look on his face and his eyes fixed on her Hide. 

She hissed, petals narrowing as she turned to face the enemy. The first time she formed she had fought a ghoul away from Hide. Now, she would protect both Hide and his friends if she must. A feeling of fierce protectiveness rose, and it bolstered her. She forced wandering sand back into her body, and solidified her claws and teeth. She grew stronger with focused intent - which was something she’d never done before. If she had a face which was capable of smiling, she might have been doing so. Since she couldn’t, her jaws opened, revealing rows of glittering black teeth, and she leapt, invisible, at the ghoul. 

Ghouls got their strength from the organs on their back, Hide had told her as much, but she also instinctively understood that the head was the weakness of every living thing, including herself. Never one to be indecisive, she went for both. 

The ghoul turned, perhaps alerted by the sound of her footfalls on the wet pavement, and met her blow straight on. Her petals wrapped around his head, and her teeth sunk into the soft flesh around his neck and face. She dug the claws of her feet into his stomach, and reached around him in a pseudo-embrace to tear at the pulsing muscle on his back. He screeched and lashed out wildly as she jerked her head from side to side.

For a moment Himawari had the complete upper hand, but then his kagune (injured, flailing) plunged into her shoulder and removed it, and she was forced to release his head or risk decapitation. He fled immediately, but that was fine. So long as he wasn’t hurting her Hide or his friends anymore, she didn’t care what he did. 

Himawari turned back to the humans behind her. The uninjured one,Takizawa-san  
her mind supplied, stared straight at her with wide, frightened eyes. Her Hide had finally bled out, and was recovering swiftly. The largest, Amon-san, held a hazy expression on his face. Blood leaked slowly from the wound on his shoulder.

The connection with her Hide was still weak and fuzzy, but Himawari felt it when he stood up, recovered, and turned his attention to her. 

“Stay here.”  
He ordered, “protect them until help comes.” The order was supported by a mental one which pierced the rain. He waited for her confirmation, and then he turned and ran. 

Himawari did not like being left behind. No, she did not like that at all. But also… she considered her human charges and the same protective feeling bubbled up within her. She’d do as her Hide asked, and then when they were safe, she’d go to him. 

Amon-san was the problem. He would… maybe not die, but something bad would happen from all that bleeding. He wasn’t like her Hide. Her Hide could bleed and bleed and bleed, and still get back up, but this one wasn’t like that. Himawari took no note of Takizawa-san’s flinch when she moved to pick up the remnants of the larger one’s arm. He was bleeding so much because this had fallen off, right? 

“D-don’t touch that! Don’t you dare…!” 

Takizawa-san stood up and raised his weapon, but it was shaking so much that it wasn’t even properly aimed at her. “You! A-and Nagachika?! Wh-what are you?!”

She considered him for a moment. “Help.” She rasped. “Help you. Safe. Don’t worry, Takizawa-san.” His expression froze, and Himawari took the opportunity to step around him. 

She knelt at Amon-san’s side, who had fallen asleep. Wasn’t this a weird time to be sleeping? Hide usually slept in a bed. She rolled Amon-san onto his back and brought his arm back to his shoulder. Black sand gathered at her claws. Hide used the sand to heal himself, but she didn’t think he would mind if she gave some to Amon-san. In fact, she knew he wouldn’t. Hide cared about all of his friends so much. Himawari understood, because what Hide cared about she cared about. She liked Amon-san, anyway. He returned her Hide’s kindness, and not many people seemed to do that. 

The black sand moved sluggishly, almost reluctant. She pressed it (she made the sand, it had to obey her) and it finally began to gather at the wound and stitch his skin back together. It was impossibly slower than with her Hide, but Amon-san wasn’t dead yet, and she could be patient. Takizawa-san was muttering to himself and lingering at her shoulder, but she ignored him for now. 

A large, raised pink scar was forming at the wound and Himawari was beginning to feel tired when she felt multiple people approaching. The people were friends, she saw, and they would protect the humans while she waited for Hide. She left a bit of black sand to linger around the wound, and let herself disperse. 

X

Hide couldn’t calm down. Nor could he think clearly, he could only run forward blindly through the dark and reeking tunnels of the sewers. His heart beat erratically in his ears and he couldn’t seem to catch a full breath. He was as much fleeing in these tunnels as he was searching for Kaneki, now. Because he’d allowed himself to die up there, not once, but twice, and in front of a ghoul and two superior officers to boot. It was foolish, but he didn’t regret it. 

Hide squeezed his eyes shut just briefly before he forced them open so he could continue his search. He hadn’t realized… how much he had come to care for them. He could no sooner stand by and watch Amon and Takizawa get hurt than he could leave Kaneki alone in this mess. And when he thought they’d been about to  
There was no choice, he simply moved. 

But now he was running, fleeing his actions and desperately hoping to find Kaneki and… and what? The CCG may save Kaneki still, but Hide had never thought to bargain for his own life. Best case scenario he’d live the rest of his life under their extremely watchful eye, perhaps serving as an investigator, perhaps not, especially when the  
upper levels heard of him. When that happened… well surely they’d want to find out how one of their own had come into immortality. He’d be locked up and experimented on until they found some loophole in his resistance to death. He wouldn’t be able to help Kaneki from whatever hole they shoved him  
, he wouldn’t be able to do anything - 

The sound of sobbing halted his spiraling thoughts. Up ahead, somewhere close, Kaneki was injured, alone, and calling out for help. Hide’s vision cleared, and he took a deep breath. Kaneki needed him. He could do this. 

“Hey buddy.” Hide stepped forward under the light of a grate far above them, and Kaneki’s bone-white hair seemed to glow among the pale palet  
of grays. Drops of water trickled down his neck. 

“What a look! Special effects that would shock even hollywood huh? The white hair suits you though.” 

“Hi...de?” A mask that hadn’t been there a moment ago hid Kaneki’s face, and Hide continued steadily forward. “No… no you’re not real. You can’t be real. Because if you were that would mean…” 

“It’s okay Ken.” He knelt down and placed a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, who stilled at the touch. “I know. And who cares about that stuff? You’re still my best friend.” 

“Hide… Hide, Hide, Hide, Hide!” Kaneki reached out as if to grab Hide, but at the last moment shoved him away. “Hide… run, run you can’t… I hear these voices, they’re telling me… you need to run, run away Hide.” He buried his head in his arms and began to shake violently. 

Hide wasn’t sure how much breaking a heart could do, but his broke in that moment, and he had to push back the tears that threatened his eyes. “It’s okay,” he choked out. “It’s okay, Ken, you won’t hurt me, I promise. I promise that you  
hurt me, Ken.” 

His only response was to force his arms tighter around his head, and Hide pushed on. “I don’t… I’m going to try to explain as best as I can but you have to believe me, okay? I’m immortal Ken, I can’t die, at least not permanently.” He plowed on, speaking quickly, just hoping that he would get through to him. “I’m an Ajin! You remember what that is, right? We’ve talked about them before, I’m sure we have! I didn’t know until a few months ago, but it’s true! I’m immortal; you can’t hurt me! No one can!” 

Kaneki’s head tilted and he fixed Hide with a stare. “Do you understand?” Hide asked. pleading. Kaneki said nothing, just looked at him with the focused eye of a ghoul. 

“If you…” Hide hesitated, he didn’t want to upset Kaneki more than he already had. “If you eat me, you can heal. I’ll come back, and then - and then we can face Arima together. If we do that, maybe we can defeat him, and escape.” Hide grasped Kaneki’s arms and pulled them away from his face.

“You need to run…”

From somewhere behind them, Hide couldn’t be sure how far with how the tunnels echoed, he heard the sound of boots splashing through the filth. They were out of time. 

He grasped Kaneki’s face between his hands, desperation warring his way up his throat. Kaneki had taken up a quiet chant of “run, run, run,” and didn’t seem to be aware that they would soon have company. 

“Wait for me to revive!” Hide ordered, forcing Kaneki’s gaze to meet his own. “Wait for me!” And then he tore his lip between his teeth and kissed Kaneki on the mouth. 

There was a moment of stillness, where Hide’s blood  
slicked lips pressed softly against Kaneki’s, and he felt a heartbeat quicken under his hands, but then there were teeth, ripping at his lips and then his cheek and his neck. Hide didn’t cry out, and sank slowly into the still water. He used a hand to run soothingly through Kaneki’s shimmering hair. Someone, somewhere, was sobbing. The pain rose up, and overwhelmed him. 

X

His best friend was kneeling in front of the god of death, and his voice drifted across the room of corpses. He was reciting poetry.

Hide had woken up in the sewers alone, and calm. Terribly calm. Everything had gone wrong, but there was nothing anyone could  
about that now. Hide didn’t blame Kaneki for leaving, or Marude for holding him back. He couldn’t even blame himself, this time. There was nothing to do but go forward. 

Listening to Ken as the poem unfolded, Hide felt an inexplicable rush of affection. If all he did today was make sure Kaneki lived, then it would be fine. It would have to be. 

“Autumn… is so beautiful…” Kaneki said, when the poem was done. He said nothing else, and the room descended into quiet, no one wanting to break the spell the poem had cast. 

Finally, Arima sighed, his shoulders lowering. “So it was you after all.” He spoke so softly, Hide could hardly hear him. “It’s raining. Sometimes… when I’m down here I can’t tell what the weather is like, or what time of day it is. But when it rains I can hear the water.”

“Well.” He spoke again, and Hide saw the moment he adjusted his grip to lift his quinque, Ixa. “No ghoul is allowed to pass through V14. This is as far as you go.” 

“No.” Hide said, and found that insufficient to break the crushing facade of gentleness which had descended upon the cavern. “Do not,” He nearly shouted, “touch him.” 

“You…” Arima said, turning slowly to put Hide in his line of sight. He began to say something else, but was cut off by Kaneki’s shout. 

Hide met Kaneki’s eye from across the room; the ghoul was still kneeling, but his expression bore a fierce emotion Hide couldn’t name. It was a far cry from the wistful emptiness he’d worn moments before. He seemed almost unaware of the gaping hole in place of where one of his eyes used to be. Hide’s face grew hot, and his eyes strung briefly before they overflowed in tears.

Kaneki was the same. He fell forward onto his hands, holding Hide’s gaze through the foggy tears spilling from his eyes. 

“Let us go.” He meant it as a demand, but it came out too desperate for that. “Please. Let us go.” Kaneki’s gray eye glinted silver in the dim light, and his mouth was opened slightly. Hide watched his chest rise and fall. 

“No.” Hide tore his gaze away to face Arima. “You may go, but ghouls stop here.”

Hide curled his fingers, and slowly, deliberately, turned away from Arima to walk to Ken’s side. Arima didn’t try to stop him, Hide didn’t know what he would have done if he had. 

“Ken.” The distance felt like miles, each step echoing in the wide chamber. The squelch of carnage under his boots, and the sewage and snot and blood covering him all faded into the background under Ken’s unwavering gaze.

“Hide.” Kaneki breathed. It sounded like a sigh. Hide knelt down to his level, and this time it was Ken who reached out to him, a hand hovering, but not quite touching, the cheek he’d bit into not even an hour before. 

“It’s okay.” He whispered, and pressed into the touch. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Hide turned, and it wasn’t boldness or desperation encouraging him to press a kiss to the center of Kaneki’s palm. “I made you do it, so it’s really my fault.” 

“Hide…” 

“Come on.” He stood, helping Kaneki to follow. “It’s just one more fight. One more, and then we can go home, okay?” 

“Okay.” He whispered, squeezing Hide’s hand. 

Arima hadn’t moved, and Hide thought that incredibly kind of him. Or maybe he was confident enough that he felt it didn’t matter if they went after him or not. Himawari drew herself up next to him, the hiss of sand quiet even in the silent chamber. 

“Friends…” she whispered, “are okay…” Kaneki’s grip on his hand tightened, but he offered no other reaction to the disembodied voice. 

“Thank you, Himawari. Now go.” She dashed forward, already knowing what he needed her to do, and Hide turned around, pulling Kaneki away. 

“We have to run.” He said, and Kaneki followed, unquestioning.

Himawari’s presence was a comfortable weight in the back of his mind, and her sudden shock and anger was Hide’s only warning before Arima was upon them. Hide spun around putting Kaneki at his back, and wrenched a taser free just in time to deflect a blow aimed for Kaneki to his shoulder. It pierced deeply, the pain sharpening the clarity of the moment. 

Himawari showed him an image of Arima ducking under her attack, and then circumventing her entirely to get to them. Hide grit his teeth together in a snarl.

Could Arima see her? It would be just his luck… Although it was probably more accurate to assume that Arima was just that good. 

Arima drove the weapon forward, but disengaged when Himawari caught up, lunging for his head with her mouth flared open. 

He clicked the tasers on, and dashed forward to support. If they couldn’t run, they’d have to overwhelm him. Somehow. He jabbed the sparking weapons forward, shoulder cramping, and Kaneki appeared at his side, kagune lifting like scorpion tails. 

For a moment, Arima was put on the defensive. He sidestepped Hide’s lunge, and ducked under Himawari’s jaws, but he couldn’t keep Kaneki’s kagune from slamming into his weapon straight on, and Hide heard a creak as Ixa faltered under the strain. 

Hope pierced his chest, and the words were on the tip of his tongue  
We can do this Ken, we’re going to make it! 

Then the moment ended, and he felt something not unlike a balloon popping inside his chest as Arima lashed out with a kick, hitting Himawari solidly upside the head. She unraveled, the black sand of her body exploding outward with no consciousness to direct it. 

Arima turned to him, and Hide was caught flat-footed. The investigator swung his damaged weapon forward, but it never connected, and even if it had, it wouldn’t have killed him. Arima was trying to incapacitate, mortal human that he believed him to be. But as it was, Kaneki’s body rammed into his own, and he fell to the ground, winded but unharmed. 

Kaneki had taken his place, the tip of Ixa plunged into his stomach. Shock and confusion warred, and Hide felt like all the air had rushed out of him at once, leaving him empty and unable to breathe. Why, he wondered, watching Arima step back and pull the weapon away. He was immortal, so why…? 

Kaneki stumbled backward and fell, and Arima poised Ixa almost elegantly above him. 

“Stop!” Someone screamed, and it took Hide a moment to realize that the voice echoing endlessly in the chamber was his own.

Arima froze, and Hide’s gaze darted to him for just a moment, before he scrambled forward to where Kaneki had fallen. He put his body between Ken and Arima, in a facsimile of what Kaneki had just done for him. 

“Kh… Hide…” Kaneki’s eye was half-lidded, and his teeth grit together in pain.

“Kaneki!” Hide’s hands hovered above him, unsure. The panic in his chest refused to die down, even though he knew that Kaneki had been hit worse before. 

“Ken, Ken, hurry, if you eat me, we can still get out of here!”

“Stop.” Kaneki said, voice slurred and lips shining red. “Stop hurting yourself… I don’t want… you to get hurt anymore.” Kaneki lifted a hand to Hide’s face. “You’re always taking care’f me… but I… want you t’be happy too…” 

“Ken… you…” Hide unconsciously pressed the hand in place. “We can be happy once we get you out of here, okay? You just need to eat, and then you’ll heal!” 

“I don’ wanna hurt… people I love… anymore.”

The revelation of their shared sentiment was not the happy experience he’d dreamed of when he was younger. 

Instead, it was… sad. Sad because theirs wasn’t a story which would unfold over quiet conversations in a small apartment, or seated at a park bench on a summer day. It was unfolding here; with Ken’s stomach weeping his insides and the bodies of ghouls scattered around them. Hide discovered that in that moment, he couldn’t think of anything to say. 

The moment ended with a whistle of air, and a sudden stunning weight to his head. He reached up to touch blood, and then fell, barely catching the sound of Kaneki’s scream before he quietly passed into unconsciousness. 

X

XX

X

Time had passed. He wasn’t sure how much, but he thought it was a lot. He was alive, though the thought was only accompanied by a vague sense of ironic inevitability. His head pounded in time to some beat he couldn’t hear, though it was enough to make his eyes water. His jaw ached, and his mouth held the consistency of dried glue. Something was pressing his tongue down, keeping him from letting out so much as a whimper. 

He curled into the thin mattress, and did not think about anything at all. 

But soon he got bored of that. 

So he started thinking.

X

He saw the light through his eyelids, but he kept them shut. 

“If you’re sure…?” Someone spoke, uncertainty tainting their voice. 

“You saw the same footage I did.” A second person said. He could hear the smile in their words. “Now do it.” 

Something pressed to his throbbing shoulder, and the familiar feel of an electric shock shook him until it didn’t. 

X

He opened his eyes, shoulder fine and head quieted, to see two men in white coats looming above him. He tried to rise, but found he couldn’t. 

“So.” The man with a laugh in his voice spoke. “An ajin, huh?”

“Well.” His voice, rasping like dry leaves underfoot, sounded from somewhere behind the two men. Himawari’s jaws parted with a thought, and he felt her amusement accompany his own. “I’m not dead, am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once everyone has been able to yell at me, I'll post the next part in the series (probably tomorrow). As always, thank you to my amazing beta Darya. I wouldn't be here without her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> None of this would have been possible without my dear friend and Beta, Darya. Check her out at http://umidarkocean.tumblr.com/ Also big thanks to https://lilyspiders.tumblr.com/ for the awesome artwork for this fic!!!!!!!
> 
> Please leave a comment letting me know if you liked something!


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